Charlie turns 10!

An acquaintance told us early on that we had little chance of ending the cycle of poverty for these 4 kids.  "Maybe for one of them" was her conclusion.  I refuse to accept that dismal prediction. 

Marquel is looking at a college preparatory high school.  Annie is on the A-B Honor Roll again and dreams of being a doctor.  Charlie admires pretty houses and nice cars.  Chip is as smart as a whip and has not been exposed to the hardships of his older siblings.

As Charlie turns 10, we think back to the little 3 year old boy we first met at the shelter.  His reaction to the trauma was to hit and kick, and even then he had to sit on my lap so I could hold his hands and feet while I read books to the kids.  He never stopped running, and after a few days he never stopped talking. At the time we had no idea that the trauma was far wider and deeper than Hurricane Katrina.

What could we expect from a little boy who was beaten, abused, neglected, and abandoned by his mother, seldom if ever had food (much less healthy food), had a new baby brother at a time when he desperately needed his mom, nearly drowned in the flood water, witnessed sites, sounds and smells that are difficult for adults to process, suffers from ADHD, and probably feels abandoned again by his step-father who was unable to cope with the behavior of a traumatized little boy.

According to doctors and therapists, by the age of 9-10, children have developed their personality.  When we look at Charlie now we see a little boy who is very attached to us, sweet, charming and athletic.  He has a great sense of humor and an uncanny ability to process and retain information.  He likes everyone and wants everyone to be his friend.

One would think that a child who has been nearly starved would eat anything, but we find the opposite to be true.  He never had the opportunity to grow accustomed to the tastes and textures of good food.  Little by little we are able to introduce new foods and hopefully some day he will understand the importance of good nutrition.
 
We have watched amazed as we see him try to tease another child into being his friend, is learning to keep his hands and feet to himself when frustrated or angry, and seldom uses the bad language to which he was exposed to so freely.  We have seen tears of sadness and love to hear him laugh, both of which were absent for so many years.  He fiercely protects his belongings and has lost the "disposable" attitude that can come with being given too much.  He is learning to deal with change, and how to keep himself organized, a big challenge for all ADHD kids.

At times we have questioned ourselves;  are our middle class standards and expectations too high?  But what happens if we lower the expectations - they will only come up to the bar that we set.  Only time will tell how much of a difference we have been able to make for these kids, and there will be a point for all of them where they will have to choose the right path to their goals and aspirations.  At least we have given them that option.

When I say "we" - you are an important part of that equation too - this is not something that we have done or could continue to do without your support.

Until next time....
Stephanie

Peace, Joy, Hope and Love

Christmas Eve morning was a little hard for Charlie.  His sisters were coming to our house for a few hours and his anxiety was showing.  He has become very protective of his space in our home, both literally and emotionally.  After a small meltdown, I sat down and talked to him about it.  I explained that we might be a little unsure about how the day would go, but it was Christmas and we should do our best to make it a good day.

At church the kids were given an Advent wreath, candles and the banners to color that say Hope, Joy, Peace and Love.

So I asked him "What does Christmas mean?"  He looked at me rather puzzled.  "Peace - what does Peace mean?"

"Try to get along" he said.

Me:  "Joy, what does Joy mean?"

Charlie:  "Be happy"

Me:  "Love - what does Love mean?" 

Charlie:  "Be nice to each other"

Me:  "What does Hope mean?"

Charlie:  "Hope we have a good day"

In the beautifully simple terms of a child, we wish you and yours Peace, Joy, Love and Hope this season.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Stephanie and Randy
Mr. Thornton, Marquel, Annie, Charlie and Chip

Time to Give Thanks

This year has gone by so fast, and there is so much to be thankful for:

Marquel is in 8th grade, on the A-B honor roll, and loves her sports.  She has a Big Sister, which is so awesome, as it gives her someone she can talk to and look up to.

Annie is doing much better in school this year, and she is so proud.  She loves to read and always has a list of books that she wants, which we try very hard to provide for her.  Both girls are more involved in their neighborhood church, leading in the singing, which is great for their self esteem.

Since we don't see the girls as often as we used to, we are surprised how tall they are getting, and how fast they are growing up.  After some difficult times and decisions for us, we are pleased that the girls are doing better and developing a closer bond with their step father.

Charlie loves school, friends and sports.  His football team made it to the playoffs, and he was really proud.

Chip is almost as tall as Charlie now.  We have him most weekends and the most important thing is X-Box and computer games! Every morning he is at our house he asks "Do we go to church today?"  He LOVES church!

Mr. Thornton turned 75 this year (which he really doesn't want anyone to know!)  It has been a very hard year with the loss of his son and we can see the emotional and physical toll it has taken on  him.  Not being able to work is very difficult for him.  It seems very unfair that SSI denies him the right to do any kind of work.

When Mr. Thornton agreed to take in his wife's kids, we told him we would help out as best we could.  This is a life-long mission and we can't thank all of you enough for your help and assistance.

With Christmas approaching, we are mindful of the on-going needs of the family.  We would like to provide Mr. Thornton with the following:

• Paper products such as toilet paper,  napkins, paper towels
• Cleaning supplies 
• Soaps - laundry soap, dish soap and hand soap

The girls are growing, Marquel is now wearing a size 10/12 ladies.  Because she is harder to fit it means she need to try clothes on before purchasing. It is also important for he to start learning to shop wisely.

If you would like to help - here are some choices:

• Visa Gift Card (or cash) - so that they can use at store of their choice
• Tax Deductible contributions can be made to St. John Lutheran Church (please indicate Thornton Family Fund on your check)
• Gifts can be purchased for Mr. Thornton and/or the kids.  Email me if you would like a wish list.

We often remind ourselves where these kids would be if Mr. Thornton had not been willing to take them in.  Thanks to all of you who have supported this family in so many different ways, they are thriving.  While Mr. Thornton is not accustomed to relying on others, and it is hard for him to show his appreciation, please know that he is very thankful for all you have done for him and the kids.

Happy Holidays to you and your families!

Until next time. . .
Stephanie

"It's just stuff"

Today on my facebook, in response to a friend's post, someone commented on the fires in Bastrop.  The post said, "It is hard to remember that stuff is just stuff".

Well, that is true, however. . . it tells me that this person has never lost everything they owned nor have they been there with others to see the devastating effects that a disaster leaves behind.  The trauma is only beginning for those affected by this disaster.

For many, insurance is a luxury (and in some disasters, insurance won't help anyway).  Sure, the mundane things of life can be replace;  a fingernail clipper, scissors, pens and pencils, all those things we use every day that we don't even think about.

It is a precious things that are missed - a picture of mom, a memento of the past, those things to which we attach fond memories - those are the things that cannot be replaced.  When Mr. Thornton is reminiscing he often starts to get up and then gets a strange look on his face as he says "oh that's right, I don't have it any more".

For the first time in his life Charlie has a bed that is all his own.  He is very attached to his bed, his pillow and his blankets.  For a little boy to lose his bed would be trauma that we couldn't imagine, to say nothing about the toys and games that he protects fiercely.

Since we have had fires all around us, I am packing a suitcase just in case.  I am making sure all the important documents have been returned to the fire safe box and wondering what other important things I should put in a box ready to go at a moment's notice.

No matter how we perceive ourselves - richer, smarter or more prepared for the unexpected, we can all say
"There but for the grace of God go I"

Until next time. . .
Stephanie

FEMA - 6 Years Later!

It has been six years since Hurricane Katrina.

Last week Mr. Thornton received a letter from FEMA stating that they had "overpaid" him in the amount of $2,000.00!  No explanation, no proof of any kind, simply a request for him to pay it back.

Since we helped Mr. Thornton through the mountains of confusing paperwork, we know exactly what he had received.  Are they referring to the $2,000.00 initial payment given to citizens following their evacuation from affected areas?  Now they want it back???  They didn't tell him it was a loan!

After all he went through with FEMA, filling out stacks of forms to discover weeks later that they were lost, being denied benefits, and reapplying, this all seems just a bit incredulous.

He can write a letter of "explanation for accepting this overpayment", or he can appeal their request for repayment.  Since he has no idea why they think he was overpaid, how can he write a letter of explanation?

So we will write a letter of appeal and point out a few facts:

Mr. Thornton lost his home.

He lost all his 68 years of accumulated possessions (much of which was stolen when he was denied access to his home in New Orleans).

He lost his source of income.

He lost his close-knit family support system.

Unable to return to his damaged home, he now has to pay twice the price in rent without his grown children who lived with him to contribute to household costs.

He lost his wife to her alcoholism, and she abandoned 4 small children with him.

A serious injury forced him to accept Social Security Disability, but ironically, that denies him the right of having any income, even for a job that he could physically do.

So we helped him write the Appeal letter, explained that Mr. Thornton accepted what they gave him, did not attempt in any way to defraud them, and hope they drop it!

Will the trauma never end?

Keep him in your prayers . . .

Until next time. . .
Stephanie

A Great Summer

It has been a busy and eventful summer.  The kids have been ready to go back to school for about a month!

Charlie finally got to go to camp.  He went to TBarM Camp in New Braunfels, a Christian day camp.  He enjoyed it thoroughly and made friends with a boy who was adopted from the Ukraine.  We found it  fascinating that he chose a boy with a similar background to his own.

Chip was able to spend about half the summer with us.  He LOVED his swimming lessons!  Thank you to the sponsors of the swimming lessons, they were thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated.  These lessons have been high on our priority list each year as it not only gives them a life skill, hopefully it helped them overcome their fear of water and floods.

Marquel was able to go to church camp thanks to the great people at St. John Lutheran Church.  From what we hear it was a meaningful experience for her.  She has spent time with her new Big Sister from the Big Sister/Big Brother program.  Her Big Sister asked coworkers to donate school supplies for the kids and was very proud to bring the kids everything that they needed.

We have Annie signed up for a Big Sister as well.  Hopefully this will give the girls a friend that they can look up to and talk to.  We are working to get Annie tested and qualified for some extra help at school.  Her early childhood has left her stuck at about a 6 year old emotional state.  This results in difficulty with her school work as she is still learning like a 6 year old and we fear that 6th grade work will be unmanageable for her as we have seen her grades decline over the past few years.  Please pray that we can get her the help she needs.

Charlie is back at football, and loving it.  We can see how much improvement he has made in a year's time.  He has progressed from not eating at all to eating TWO fruits and TWO vegetables every day!  This summer he has learned to eat 3 full meals a day and sometimes even 4.  He still makes funny faces when he has to chew his fruits and vegetables, but he at least gets them down.  Regular early bedtime, better nutrition and a better state of mind has made a big difference for him.

They are always excited for school to get started, and they LOVE getting their new shoes.  We find that good quality shoes might be a little more expensive but they last several times as long as the cheaper ones.

A big huge Thank You for all who helped the kids have a great summer, new school shoes and uniforms, and experiences that they will not forget.

Throughout the summer we have had some big ups and downs.  Once again we learned how much it means to us to have the love and support of all of you.

Until next time. . .
Stephanie

Be sure to check out our Sister Blog which is a little more "anonymous"

New Sister Blog

Due to the fact that "Our Kids" are getting older, I felt that it would be good to start a "sister blog" that will allow discussion without violating the privacy of the kids. 

I will not send an email when there is a new post ~ please use the "Follow by Email" link if you are interested in receiving an email each time a new post is added.  The new blog is  "Our Kids" by Choice

My hope is that in a more anonymous way you will be able to learn more about the issues that come with kids who have been abused and neglected.

I will continue to post on this blog also, and because my email list is getting so long, I encourage you to use the "Follow by Email" on this blog as well.

Events of the last weeks have shown us once again that the love and support you all show to us is so valuable.  We could not do this without all of you!

Until next time . . .
Stephanie