It is hard to believe that 9 years ago we were spending our first Christmas with "our kids". How time has flown by.
When Mr. Thornton asked us to help him with these kids that his wife left with him, we had no idea how we would manage. The first few years were a flurry of agencies and endless paperwork, only to find that for Mr. Thornton there was little help available for a step-parent who was on Social Security and SSI. The SSI denies him the right to earn any kind of income, so we were stuck.
Our goal was to keep this little family together in a home that provided at least the essentials for living - food, clothing and necessities. For 9 years many Angels have answered the call. We often think about where they would be if it wasn't for you.
Life with their mom on the streets meant little babies and toddlers with little food, no clothes and no supervision, left to fend for themselves as they roamed the streets. What would the girls be doing to get by? What would a little boy who suffers from abuse and neglect on top of ADHD symptoms be doing? Where would they all be now? The thought makes us cringe, and our minds just don't want to go there.
Marquel is now 16 and in 10th grade, Annie is 14 in 8th grade, Charlie is 11 in 6th grade, and Chip is 8 in 3rd grade. Marquel has no memory of school in New Orleans, yet she is on the AB honor roll every semester! Annie and Marquel love school, love their teachers, and have never been in any serious trouble. Charlie has had awesome, caring teachers who have worked hard to help him be successful in the classroom. Chip is always happy and smiling. They are all smart enough to do whatever they set their minds to, in spite of a an alcoholic mother and the early years of neglect and abuse.
This year Mr. Thornton has taken another hit with a 25% reduction in his food stamps. He loves to cook, and rarely cooks anything out of a box, preferring rice and beans and gumbo. But now he doesn't get enough to cover the rice, beans, milk and bread, while trying to satisfy the appetite of growing kids. While we understand the desire to wean people off welfare and back into productive citizens, there are those such as Mr. Thornton who fall into a crack in the system.
This means that more of his meager income has to be spent on food, leaving less for other necessities such as soaps, paper products, laundry detergent, hygiene products and money needed for gas and auto maintenance. He told us he is down to 1 pair of jeans for himself and is need of warm long-sleeved shirts.
One of the biggest lessons that we have had to learn is that of humility. We have had to ask for help for the Thornton family when we would much prefer not to. We have learned how many generous Angels there are, and we are so thankful for all of you!
If you would like to help the Thornton family, there are several ways that you can do it:
Gift Cards to Walmart or HEB are always appreciated
Visa Gift cards for gas, auto maintenance or other necessities
Cards can be delivered or sent to us or directly to Mr. Thornton (email me to request address)
Cash donations that are tax deductible can be made through St. John Lutheran Church - be sure to mark "Thornton Fund" - and can be a one time gift or an on-going monthly gift. If you would like the cash donation to be used to purchase a gift card, email me and I will arrange for that.
Randy and I along with Mr. Thornton, thank you for your continued support.
Merry Christmas ~ and a great New Year to you all!
Randy and Stephanie
Mr. Thornton, Marquel, Annie, Charlie and Chip
Friday, December 13, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
PTSD
This week did not go well for Charlie. With a front coming through bringing rain and thunderstorms, his stress level was elevated. With rain there is no recess, so vital to a kid who needs a release from the excessive energy and stress. The lights flicker on and off, adding to his stress level. Then he goes to Art class, another high stress experience.
The easiest way to describe the stress level of a person who has had traumatic experiences is this: On a scale of 1-10 for stress, most of us live at a 5 or 6. When things happen that upset us, our stress level will go up, but we have developed ways to calm ourselves and return to the 5 or 6 where we normally live. If something happens that takes our stress level to 10, that is when we "lose it", doing or saying things that we would not ordinarily do or say.
For those who have experienced trauma, they live every day at a 8 or 9. It takes very little to push them past the 10.
When we sent Charlie off to school Tuesday morning, we talked about the weather and the fact that he was safe at school with all his teachers looking out for him. We knew it would be a difficult day for him, but we did not anticipate that the school would call before 11:00 asking us to come talk to Charlie because he could not calm himself down.
There is no cure for PTSD. Survivors can only learn to understand the triggers and figure out ways to cope that work for them. For a child who has suffered through severe neglect, abuse, abandonment, a hurricane, nearly drowning in the flood waters, seeing dead bodies, witnessing sights and sounds that even adults have trouble processing, it may well take a lifetime for him to figure out all the triggers and how to deal with each one.
Some triggers we know and try to prepare him for by talking him through it. When it comes to lights flickering in a thunderstorm, we hear the panic in his voice. "What if they go off?" "What if they don't come back on?" "What will we do!" Many kids are scared of thunderstorms and the flickering lights, but for Charlie is is a deep terror that is triggered inside his entire being. He has recently been able to use the word "flashback" when he is describing how he feels - which shows he is learning to identify the trigger. Now he faces the challenge of learning to cope with those feelings and strategies to calm himself.
Tuesday night the electricity went off for several hours. Mercifully, it was after Charlie had fallen asleep, because it blinked on and off several times before going off for several hours. With computers, printers, fax machines, appliances and even toys that are activated each time the electricity comes back on, the sounds associated with power surges can be a little startling.
About an hour later I heard a panicked voice calling me, "Miss Stephanie! What is wrong, things don't look right!" He is accustomed to the nightlight, fish tank and other lights we leave on in the house at night in case he needs to get up, and he knew things weren't right. I was pleasantly surprised that giving him a flashlight to hold onto kept him in bed, although I knew it was a while before he got back to sleep.
While we try to shield him from news about storms and flash floods, which our area is prone to, he seems to know instinctively when these things are in the forecast. On the way to school, there is a low area that tends to get water over the road, and he asked Randy "what if I can't get home from school?"
Another trigger we have come to recognize is Art class. Art requires fine motor skills (which are not well developed due to neglect) and emotions. This emotional time on top of his already heightened stress level was just too much for him to deal with.
Our goal is to help him get to the point where he can identify the triggers and learn to deal with them. When he is able to understand that he is going to be okay in a thunderstorm, that the lights might flicker, but they will always come back on, when he is able to find ways to relieve stress so that missing recess isn't such a problem for him, he will be on the road to coping better with something he is going to have to live with the rest of his life.
Then maybe he will be able to allow himself to work on fine motor skills, learning to enjoy art class and not be so critical of himself and his art. The way a traumatized brain thinks is "I can't make it look the way I want it to, therefore I am stupid and now it will be hung up in the hall (with everyone's) for everyone to see and then everyone will know I am stupid, and if they know I am stupid they won't like me, and if no one likes me no one will be there for me when I need them, and if no one is there for me when I get in trouble, I might die".
When we can wrap our minds around how trauma affects the brain, then we can begin to understand how situations such as art class are literally a life and death situation. If you were asked to do something that you were not capable of doing, and every part of your being told you that if you did not do it perfectly you would die - - where would your stress level be?
For those who say "he just needs to get over it" - there are many victims of abuse, soldiers, psychologist, psychiatrists and doctors who would love to know a magic cure!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
The easiest way to describe the stress level of a person who has had traumatic experiences is this: On a scale of 1-10 for stress, most of us live at a 5 or 6. When things happen that upset us, our stress level will go up, but we have developed ways to calm ourselves and return to the 5 or 6 where we normally live. If something happens that takes our stress level to 10, that is when we "lose it", doing or saying things that we would not ordinarily do or say.
For those who have experienced trauma, they live every day at a 8 or 9. It takes very little to push them past the 10.
When we sent Charlie off to school Tuesday morning, we talked about the weather and the fact that he was safe at school with all his teachers looking out for him. We knew it would be a difficult day for him, but we did not anticipate that the school would call before 11:00 asking us to come talk to Charlie because he could not calm himself down.
There is no cure for PTSD. Survivors can only learn to understand the triggers and figure out ways to cope that work for them. For a child who has suffered through severe neglect, abuse, abandonment, a hurricane, nearly drowning in the flood waters, seeing dead bodies, witnessing sights and sounds that even adults have trouble processing, it may well take a lifetime for him to figure out all the triggers and how to deal with each one.
Some triggers we know and try to prepare him for by talking him through it. When it comes to lights flickering in a thunderstorm, we hear the panic in his voice. "What if they go off?" "What if they don't come back on?" "What will we do!" Many kids are scared of thunderstorms and the flickering lights, but for Charlie is is a deep terror that is triggered inside his entire being. He has recently been able to use the word "flashback" when he is describing how he feels - which shows he is learning to identify the trigger. Now he faces the challenge of learning to cope with those feelings and strategies to calm himself.
Tuesday night the electricity went off for several hours. Mercifully, it was after Charlie had fallen asleep, because it blinked on and off several times before going off for several hours. With computers, printers, fax machines, appliances and even toys that are activated each time the electricity comes back on, the sounds associated with power surges can be a little startling.
About an hour later I heard a panicked voice calling me, "Miss Stephanie! What is wrong, things don't look right!" He is accustomed to the nightlight, fish tank and other lights we leave on in the house at night in case he needs to get up, and he knew things weren't right. I was pleasantly surprised that giving him a flashlight to hold onto kept him in bed, although I knew it was a while before he got back to sleep.
While we try to shield him from news about storms and flash floods, which our area is prone to, he seems to know instinctively when these things are in the forecast. On the way to school, there is a low area that tends to get water over the road, and he asked Randy "what if I can't get home from school?"
Another trigger we have come to recognize is Art class. Art requires fine motor skills (which are not well developed due to neglect) and emotions. This emotional time on top of his already heightened stress level was just too much for him to deal with.
Our goal is to help him get to the point where he can identify the triggers and learn to deal with them. When he is able to understand that he is going to be okay in a thunderstorm, that the lights might flicker, but they will always come back on, when he is able to find ways to relieve stress so that missing recess isn't such a problem for him, he will be on the road to coping better with something he is going to have to live with the rest of his life.
Then maybe he will be able to allow himself to work on fine motor skills, learning to enjoy art class and not be so critical of himself and his art. The way a traumatized brain thinks is "I can't make it look the way I want it to, therefore I am stupid and now it will be hung up in the hall (with everyone's) for everyone to see and then everyone will know I am stupid, and if they know I am stupid they won't like me, and if no one likes me no one will be there for me when I need them, and if no one is there for me when I get in trouble, I might die".
When we can wrap our minds around how trauma affects the brain, then we can begin to understand how situations such as art class are literally a life and death situation. If you were asked to do something that you were not capable of doing, and every part of your being told you that if you did not do it perfectly you would die - - where would your stress level be?
For those who say "he just needs to get over it" - there are many victims of abuse, soldiers, psychologist, psychiatrists and doctors who would love to know a magic cure!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
A Journey of Faith, Hope and Love
Seven years ago we set out on a journey of faith. Faith that we would be able to find a way to keep Mr. Thornton and four precious kids together. We knew we could not do this alone, but we had to have faith that it was the right thing to do and that we would be shown a way.
There are certain anniversaries that cause us to reflect on the blessings we have received, and Christmas is one of them. Each year at this time we are overwhelmed with love and support shown to us and "our kids".
Angels comes in many different forms. There are those who love to know how the kids are doing, and are loving and compassionate in their interest and advice. At times we become overwhelmed with the "issues" that the situation presents with kids who have been neglected, abused and traumatized. Every day is an effort to find ways to help them overcome their past.
There are those who just know when a hug is needed, no words necessary. Prayers are always appreciated, and we know God is listening. Charlie has a hard time believing, but last night he asked me if he prayed to God to give his friend a message in the middle of the night, would he do it?!
There are those who give of their time and talents. Marquel and Annie have Big Sisters who double as "mom" in many ways. They have become involved in their little neighborhood church, leading the singing and learning to be part of a church community. The self confidence they gain is priceless to them. Their favorite songs to sing are those they learned at St. John and Camp Chrysalis.
We recently found a new Angel when we went looking for new ways to help Charlie. Kate Reyes of Open Trail Ranch offered to take Charlie on scholarship. Kate and her horses are so loving and dedicated, and Charlie doesn't even know it is "therapy".
There are dedicated and loving teachers, coaches and friends who take the time to give a little extra attention and guidance. The Angels along the way who have offered their time and energy to help with tutoring.
And there are those who give monetary support, essential to keeping this family together. Seven years ago we sat down with Pastor Schulte and explained that we had exhausted every avenue of help for this odd situation; an elderly man with four small kids to raise. For seven years the fund at St. John Lutheran Church has never run dry. Each month there is enough to help pay rent, utilities and cover the costs of raising four kids, and there have been many generous donations over the years, including a vehicle when Mr. Thornton needed transportation.
There are the Angels who provide birthday and Christmas presents each year for the kids. Coming from a very "disposable" way of living, they now treasure each gift and have a difficult time parting with things that they have outgrown. We often see them with toys or games that were given to them years ago. They even have a hard time handing down clothes when they outgrow them.
Simple things that we take for granted, such as a bed that is all their own is treasured. Even changing the sheets can throw them into a tizzy! Their bedding is arranged a certain way, and we dare not touch it. Pillows, blankets and stuffed animals have been treasured gifts.
We sincerely thank each and every one of you for your continued support for "our kids". We stepped out in faith, and you all stepped up to answer that calling.
When we consider Marquel, now in 9th grade with 90's and 100's on her report card, and we remember the struggles she had in her first year in San Antonio, trying to do 3rd grade word when she had not attended 1st and 2nd grade, we owe it to all of you. Sometimes when we get tired and frustrated we remind ourselves of where these kids would be and it gives us the courage to keep going.
As we come to the end of another year, it is a time when we think about our charitable giving for the coming year. We ask that you keep this family in mind. We all have gifts that we have been given, whether is it love and compassion or monetary. We will start a new year on faith that we can keep this family together for another year, helping 4 little kids prosper and grow and break the cycle of poverty for the next generation.
Wishing each and everyone of you
A Very Merry Christmas and
A Happy New Year!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie, Randy, Mr. Thornton, Marquel, Annie, Charlie and Chip
Tax deductible donations can be made directly to St. John Lutheran church. The money in this account is used 100% for the Thornton family needs.
There are certain anniversaries that cause us to reflect on the blessings we have received, and Christmas is one of them. Each year at this time we are overwhelmed with love and support shown to us and "our kids".
Angels comes in many different forms. There are those who love to know how the kids are doing, and are loving and compassionate in their interest and advice. At times we become overwhelmed with the "issues" that the situation presents with kids who have been neglected, abused and traumatized. Every day is an effort to find ways to help them overcome their past.
There are those who just know when a hug is needed, no words necessary. Prayers are always appreciated, and we know God is listening. Charlie has a hard time believing, but last night he asked me if he prayed to God to give his friend a message in the middle of the night, would he do it?!
There are those who give of their time and talents. Marquel and Annie have Big Sisters who double as "mom" in many ways. They have become involved in their little neighborhood church, leading the singing and learning to be part of a church community. The self confidence they gain is priceless to them. Their favorite songs to sing are those they learned at St. John and Camp Chrysalis.
There are dedicated and loving teachers, coaches and friends who take the time to give a little extra attention and guidance. The Angels along the way who have offered their time and energy to help with tutoring.
And there are those who give monetary support, essential to keeping this family together. Seven years ago we sat down with Pastor Schulte and explained that we had exhausted every avenue of help for this odd situation; an elderly man with four small kids to raise. For seven years the fund at St. John Lutheran Church has never run dry. Each month there is enough to help pay rent, utilities and cover the costs of raising four kids, and there have been many generous donations over the years, including a vehicle when Mr. Thornton needed transportation.
There are the Angels who provide birthday and Christmas presents each year for the kids. Coming from a very "disposable" way of living, they now treasure each gift and have a difficult time parting with things that they have outgrown. We often see them with toys or games that were given to them years ago. They even have a hard time handing down clothes when they outgrow them.
Simple things that we take for granted, such as a bed that is all their own is treasured. Even changing the sheets can throw them into a tizzy! Their bedding is arranged a certain way, and we dare not touch it. Pillows, blankets and stuffed animals have been treasured gifts.
We sincerely thank each and every one of you for your continued support for "our kids". We stepped out in faith, and you all stepped up to answer that calling.
When we consider Marquel, now in 9th grade with 90's and 100's on her report card, and we remember the struggles she had in her first year in San Antonio, trying to do 3rd grade word when she had not attended 1st and 2nd grade, we owe it to all of you. Sometimes when we get tired and frustrated we remind ourselves of where these kids would be and it gives us the courage to keep going.
As we come to the end of another year, it is a time when we think about our charitable giving for the coming year. We ask that you keep this family in mind. We all have gifts that we have been given, whether is it love and compassion or monetary. We will start a new year on faith that we can keep this family together for another year, helping 4 little kids prosper and grow and break the cycle of poverty for the next generation.
Wishing each and everyone of you
A Very Merry Christmas and
A Happy New Year!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie, Randy, Mr. Thornton, Marquel, Annie, Charlie and Chip
Tax deductible donations can be made directly to St. John Lutheran church. The money in this account is used 100% for the Thornton family needs.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
We never know what is around the corner!
 |
| Hard to get them all to smile at the same time!! |
We were very optimistic about school, pleased to have them in what we thought was the best possible place for each, uniforms and school supplies ready to go. Then came Monday! With a new principal came new procedures for dropping off and picking up kids at Annie and Chip's school. Of course the first day did not go smoothly, as school staff was not yet coordinated and parents were frustrated.
Then it was over to the high school to collect Marquel. Another new place with new procedures, not sure where to go to - resulting in more frustration. The phone call we got went something like this, "I withdrew them all from school!".
With the frustration and overwhelm so high, there was no use in arguing, we just said we would drive over Tuesday morning and help him get it sorted out.
After dropping Charlie off at school Tuesday morning, we made the 45 minute trek across town to find that emotions were still running very high. He was determined to find different schools, and come up with excuses like "there are pregnant girls all over that high school" and "one of Marquel's classes is all boys - that's just not right" and "there was a huge fight and police swarming all over the place" (which was denied by high school personnel).
Starting last spring we had talked to Mr. Thornton and Marquel about a different high school, hoping she would choose one with higher educational ratings and smaller classes. But Mr. Thornton could not get past the transportation issue, and would not even consider letting her take the bus, as the other students do. He was insistent that she go to the closest high school (about 6 blocks from their house), and even asked if I thought it would be okay to transfer Chip and Annie to an elementary school and middle school located en route to the high school. I said I did not think it was a good idea to change their school, that it was a good school and they needed the stability. In the back of my mind I was thinking to myself, "if that is what you want to do, go ahead, but I don't approve so I am not going to do it for you!"
So the first day of school with new procedures and the frustration that came with them was all the excuse he needed to change schools. We knew that if we insisted that he leave things alone and let the new procedures work themselves out, he would not be able to let go of the frustration and it would only lead to more conflict with the schools as time went on.
We spent Tuesday filling out withdrawal forms and applications to new schools. Chip is now enrolled in W. W. White Elementary School. He says he likes his new teacher. Annie and Marquel are enrolled in Southwest Preparatory School. It is a small charter school, dedicated to helping teens prepare for college. They are able to earn college credits and scholarships. They will be starting a new sports program, which was a plus because the girls love their sports. We feel it will be a good school for both girls. Luckily, Annie will be required to wear khaki pants, and Marquel will be allowed to wear clothes of her choice, although she was upset that she could not wear casual t-shirts! We will have to get her some appropriate tops. And we were even able to get some speech therapy lined up for Annie, something we had been asking for for several years at her prior school.
We cannot discount the affect that Hurricane Isaac had on the events of this week. Post Traumatic Stress never goes away, those affected can develop coping skills, but the emotions are never far under the surface and can cause what we might consider erratic behavior. Charlie was very concerned, but getting teachers involved and getting out a map to show him how far away it was from us seemed to help. Hopefully it will help alleviate his fears with future storms.
This week Randy and I watched a couple shows about Hurricane Katrina. One was a documentary made about 4 months following the storm. It reminded us of all the emotions and frustrations that the people went through. Mr. Thornton was not the only one to hear comments like "go home and call 211 for assistance" (he had no home and no phone) or "show me your identification and we'll make you a new ID card" (would I need a new ID card if I already had one?) or the repeated visits and hours on the phone to FEMA - only to find out the paperwork had been lost - AGAIN!
While we hope the new schools work out well, we cringe at the thought of the added trauma for the kids. We are glad that Charlie is able to live with us and have the stability he desperately needs. Thanks to his awesome teachers, his first week of school went well, which is a milestone in itself. Usually the first week is tough, getting back into a routine with friends, classes and teachers.
Keep the kids in your prayers that they will all blossom and grow this school year.
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Where are they now?
It has been 7 years since Hurricane Katrina, and 5 years since I finished my book telling their story. I thought it would be a good time to update everyone on where the family is and what they are doing.
When the book ended, Mr. Thornton had retrieved his wife's 4 youngest children from New Orleans at his wife's request. Marquel was 8, Annie was 6, Charlie was 4 and Chip was 10 months. We will never forget how skinny and dirty Chip and Charlie were and how happy Charlie was to get back to San Antonio and his own bed, complete with his own pillow and blanket. Chip recuperated from his malnourished state and is now almost as tall as Charlie.
Mrs. Thornton has 3 older girls who are all now back in New Orleans. The oldest, the little 14 year old girl who sat on our back porch with tears streaming down her face as she told her us sad life story, is now almost 21. The youngest of the 3 called Mr. Thornton recently to inform him that she had a baby. She is 17. These girls have been in and out of jail and mostly live on the streets. We understand that Mrs. Thornton has had at least 2 more babies since she went back to New Orleans, which would make total children for her 10, counting the one who died years ago due to neglect.
Thanks to a lawyer friend, we were able to help Mr. Thornton get a divorce and custody of the 4 kids who live here in San Antonio with him. In order to help him with school, doctors and therapist, another friend helped us get a lawyer who composed a Durable Power of Attorney, which allows us to help Mr. Thornton take care of the kids needs. Doctors, dentists and therapists are not part of their culture, so we make the appointments and make sure the kids get the health care they need. The POA allows us to talk to the school and teachers, where due to privacy laws, this would not be possible otherwise.
Mr. Thornton is now 75 years old (don't tell him I told you that!!) He lives on the opposite side of San Antonio from us - a 45 minute drive each way. Over the last 7 years we have put thousands of miles on our car helping him take care of the kids and other errands. San Antonio is still a huge, bewildering place to him - he spent most of his life in a city he knew like the back of his hand. We still have to help him if he needs to go more than a few miles from his house.
Marquel is 15 now and will be starting high school. She has attended King Academy, which is an 8 grade school, so she has been very comfortable in a smaller school with the same kids and teachers for the last 6 years. The thought of a huge high school has her scared to death. Her goal at the moment is to be a Silver Spur (the San Antonio ladies basketball team) someday. She is smart and she wants to be a good person, so we hope that sports and coaches will help her get through the difficult years to come.
Annie is 12, and going into 7th grade at King Academy. Because these kids were so neglected and abused, they have a very difficult time bonding with adults who want to take care of them. It is difficult for the caregivers because as much as kids want a secure relationship, the relationships of the past have been so hurtful that they push the adults away as forcefully as they really want and need the security. This constant push-pull behavior is tiring and frustrating to the parent. Annie suffers deeply from the abandonment by her mother, and refuses to allow herself to bond with Mr. Thornton. We are increasing worried about their relationship as the frustration in the home increases.
Charlie is now 10, and going to be in the 5th grade. Charlie was 3 when little brother Chip came along. Prior to that he had bonded with Mr. Thornton, and even at that little age would kick his mother away. It gives us a clue as to the extent of the neglect and abuse he had endured from his mother. Four weeks after little brother comes along, Katrina came, another huge trauma. As time went on, he felt more and more like his step-father was pushing him aside for this new little brother, and that once again he was on his own. The trauma came out in bad behavior, and there came a point when we decided he could not longer thrive in that home. He came to live with us 2 1/2 years ago. It has not been easy, but we feel he has bonded with us. One of his biggest struggles has been learning to eat. He is still very thin, but he is getting used to the idea of eating 3 healthy meals a day.
Chip is mostly a happy kid and is excited to be going into 2nd grade. We began to notice some of the characteristics of ADHD and with medication, he is doing much better. As the doctor explained, kids with ADHD are usually labeled "bad kids" because they brains are wired differently and they have so little control over their impulses.
In spite of all the traumas these kids have endured, they love school and manage to be on the A-B honor roll every year. This says a lot for their determination and will to thrive. We are so thankful for all those who have helped these kids; the teachers, counselors, and of course all of you who give your support through love and monetary support. Mr. Thornton is receiving some family counseling with the girls, and Charlie has an awesome counselor we take him to. No matter what we think of the cost of Medicaid in this country, here are 4 kids who desperately need the services they can get in order to break the cycle that their older sisters are continuing.
We have to be most thankful to Mr. Thornton for his willingness to take on his wife's kids. He knew that he could not do it on his own. His Social Security and Disability do not cover the cost of raising 4 kids. The SSI (disability) denies him the right to have a job. So he does odd jobs, raises a few sheep and pigs, and does what he can to supplement his income. Most people do not spend their retirement years raising 4 kids!
When Mr. Thornton took on these 4 kids we promised to help in any way that we could. We knew it would be an ongoing project - at least until the kids are grown and on their own. "Welfare" is an outdated word, but it does provide a small amount each month for food only (no necessities like soap or toilet paper), and it does provide the kids with health care. That is it - no cash, no help with rent or utilities, no clothes or other necessities.
Each month we are thankful that the fund at church has enough to help Mr. Thornton cover the basic costs of providing a home for the kids. He would not be able to keep them otherwise. And we cringe at the thought of where they would be if he could not do that. Here are 4 precious little kids, who did not ask to be born to an unwed, alcoholic mother who comes from generational poverty. They have a huge desire to learn and be "good kids", and they deserve a chance for a healthy, productive life. It is the only way they can break the cycle that their mother and older siblings are caught up in.
I understand this is not the most glowing report, there have been and will be many challenges to face in the future. But with the love, prayers and support of many people, we are optimistic.
Until next time...
Stephanie
When the book ended, Mr. Thornton had retrieved his wife's 4 youngest children from New Orleans at his wife's request. Marquel was 8, Annie was 6, Charlie was 4 and Chip was 10 months. We will never forget how skinny and dirty Chip and Charlie were and how happy Charlie was to get back to San Antonio and his own bed, complete with his own pillow and blanket. Chip recuperated from his malnourished state and is now almost as tall as Charlie.
Mrs. Thornton has 3 older girls who are all now back in New Orleans. The oldest, the little 14 year old girl who sat on our back porch with tears streaming down her face as she told her us sad life story, is now almost 21. The youngest of the 3 called Mr. Thornton recently to inform him that she had a baby. She is 17. These girls have been in and out of jail and mostly live on the streets. We understand that Mrs. Thornton has had at least 2 more babies since she went back to New Orleans, which would make total children for her 10, counting the one who died years ago due to neglect.
Thanks to a lawyer friend, we were able to help Mr. Thornton get a divorce and custody of the 4 kids who live here in San Antonio with him. In order to help him with school, doctors and therapist, another friend helped us get a lawyer who composed a Durable Power of Attorney, which allows us to help Mr. Thornton take care of the kids needs. Doctors, dentists and therapists are not part of their culture, so we make the appointments and make sure the kids get the health care they need. The POA allows us to talk to the school and teachers, where due to privacy laws, this would not be possible otherwise.
Mr. Thornton is now 75 years old (don't tell him I told you that!!) He lives on the opposite side of San Antonio from us - a 45 minute drive each way. Over the last 7 years we have put thousands of miles on our car helping him take care of the kids and other errands. San Antonio is still a huge, bewildering place to him - he spent most of his life in a city he knew like the back of his hand. We still have to help him if he needs to go more than a few miles from his house.
Marquel is 15 now and will be starting high school. She has attended King Academy, which is an 8 grade school, so she has been very comfortable in a smaller school with the same kids and teachers for the last 6 years. The thought of a huge high school has her scared to death. Her goal at the moment is to be a Silver Spur (the San Antonio ladies basketball team) someday. She is smart and she wants to be a good person, so we hope that sports and coaches will help her get through the difficult years to come.
Annie is 12, and going into 7th grade at King Academy. Because these kids were so neglected and abused, they have a very difficult time bonding with adults who want to take care of them. It is difficult for the caregivers because as much as kids want a secure relationship, the relationships of the past have been so hurtful that they push the adults away as forcefully as they really want and need the security. This constant push-pull behavior is tiring and frustrating to the parent. Annie suffers deeply from the abandonment by her mother, and refuses to allow herself to bond with Mr. Thornton. We are increasing worried about their relationship as the frustration in the home increases.
Charlie is now 10, and going to be in the 5th grade. Charlie was 3 when little brother Chip came along. Prior to that he had bonded with Mr. Thornton, and even at that little age would kick his mother away. It gives us a clue as to the extent of the neglect and abuse he had endured from his mother. Four weeks after little brother comes along, Katrina came, another huge trauma. As time went on, he felt more and more like his step-father was pushing him aside for this new little brother, and that once again he was on his own. The trauma came out in bad behavior, and there came a point when we decided he could not longer thrive in that home. He came to live with us 2 1/2 years ago. It has not been easy, but we feel he has bonded with us. One of his biggest struggles has been learning to eat. He is still very thin, but he is getting used to the idea of eating 3 healthy meals a day.
Chip is mostly a happy kid and is excited to be going into 2nd grade. We began to notice some of the characteristics of ADHD and with medication, he is doing much better. As the doctor explained, kids with ADHD are usually labeled "bad kids" because they brains are wired differently and they have so little control over their impulses.
In spite of all the traumas these kids have endured, they love school and manage to be on the A-B honor roll every year. This says a lot for their determination and will to thrive. We are so thankful for all those who have helped these kids; the teachers, counselors, and of course all of you who give your support through love and monetary support. Mr. Thornton is receiving some family counseling with the girls, and Charlie has an awesome counselor we take him to. No matter what we think of the cost of Medicaid in this country, here are 4 kids who desperately need the services they can get in order to break the cycle that their older sisters are continuing.
We have to be most thankful to Mr. Thornton for his willingness to take on his wife's kids. He knew that he could not do it on his own. His Social Security and Disability do not cover the cost of raising 4 kids. The SSI (disability) denies him the right to have a job. So he does odd jobs, raises a few sheep and pigs, and does what he can to supplement his income. Most people do not spend their retirement years raising 4 kids!
When Mr. Thornton took on these 4 kids we promised to help in any way that we could. We knew it would be an ongoing project - at least until the kids are grown and on their own. "Welfare" is an outdated word, but it does provide a small amount each month for food only (no necessities like soap or toilet paper), and it does provide the kids with health care. That is it - no cash, no help with rent or utilities, no clothes or other necessities.
Each month we are thankful that the fund at church has enough to help Mr. Thornton cover the basic costs of providing a home for the kids. He would not be able to keep them otherwise. And we cringe at the thought of where they would be if he could not do that. Here are 4 precious little kids, who did not ask to be born to an unwed, alcoholic mother who comes from generational poverty. They have a huge desire to learn and be "good kids", and they deserve a chance for a healthy, productive life. It is the only way they can break the cycle that their mother and older siblings are caught up in.
I understand this is not the most glowing report, there have been and will be many challenges to face in the future. But with the love, prayers and support of many people, we are optimistic.
Until next time...
Stephanie
Monday, August 20, 2012
Ready for School
Last Thursday was a marathon day of school registration. Chip and Annie will be returning to King Academy, Marquel at Sam Houston High School in San Antonio, and Charlie at our school in Bulverde
King Academy is an elementary and middle school combined. It has been good for the girls because they can be with the same students and teachers through 8th grade. For kids who have had so much trauma and uncertainty in their lives, the safety and stability of this type of setting has been good for their security.
At the high school, Marquel and I had the opportunity to sit down with the director of the magnet school which is located in the same building. "New Tech" is a new concept in magnet schools, and we were able to have a lengthy conversation with the director. He explained to Marquel that even though their fields of emphasis may not be what she continues with in college, it is a college prep program and she will have the opportunity gain some college credits. They will also spend a considerable amount of time working on character development, studying book such as "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens".
I was thrilled when Marquel said she would sign up for the program. The magnet school classes will be in a different wing of the school, where she will be surrounded by kids who are serious about learning, with teachers who are extra dedicated to their students and helping them succeed. The curriculum is more hands on, which will be good for Marquel. It felt good to be able to visit with the director of the program, explain Marquel's background and needs, and know I had a contact person who was genuinely interested in each student.
I was also glad that Marquel had balked a little at purchasing the typical khaki pants, which is the uniform for San Antonio ISD. In the magnet program she will be required to wear black pants, white polo shirts, and they will have "wear your favorite college t-shirt" and "wear your favorite sport t-shirt" days. I will take her shopping one day this week for her new uniform clothes.
At King Academy I was able to sit down with the Communities in Schools counselor and begin to formulate a plan for Annie to help her succeed. This is an awesome organization and we have relied on them heavily for help with school supplies for the kids. If you see one of donations sites for "Stuff the Bus", please consider donating school supplies or money. They have provided an invaluable source of counseling and support for the kids.
Because Annie will be involved in after-school sports, I signed Chip up for the after-school program run by the Boys and Girls Club. The director is very dedicated to helping kids with their homework, which is great because Mr. Thornton has too many other things on his mind in the evenings. It also gives Chip a little extra social time with kids his age.
Charlie is not ready for school to start. He even told me he would prefer to stay home and do home school! (Unfortunately, I do not feel "smarter than a 5th grader" and not sure I could accomplish this!) I was surprised because he loves to be with his friends, but it made sense in that he is feeling more comfortable with us and wants to catch up on the "mom and me" time that he missed out on. We have met his new behavior teacher and are encouraged by his dedication and willingness to listen to our ideas and concerns.
Over the past 7 years we have truly learned the meaning of "it takes a village to raise a child". We thank all of you who have helped the kids get the clothes, shoes and supplies they need to have a good start to school this fall - we couldn't do it without you!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
King Academy is an elementary and middle school combined. It has been good for the girls because they can be with the same students and teachers through 8th grade. For kids who have had so much trauma and uncertainty in their lives, the safety and stability of this type of setting has been good for their security.
At the high school, Marquel and I had the opportunity to sit down with the director of the magnet school which is located in the same building. "New Tech" is a new concept in magnet schools, and we were able to have a lengthy conversation with the director. He explained to Marquel that even though their fields of emphasis may not be what she continues with in college, it is a college prep program and she will have the opportunity gain some college credits. They will also spend a considerable amount of time working on character development, studying book such as "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens".
I was thrilled when Marquel said she would sign up for the program. The magnet school classes will be in a different wing of the school, where she will be surrounded by kids who are serious about learning, with teachers who are extra dedicated to their students and helping them succeed. The curriculum is more hands on, which will be good for Marquel. It felt good to be able to visit with the director of the program, explain Marquel's background and needs, and know I had a contact person who was genuinely interested in each student.
I was also glad that Marquel had balked a little at purchasing the typical khaki pants, which is the uniform for San Antonio ISD. In the magnet program she will be required to wear black pants, white polo shirts, and they will have "wear your favorite college t-shirt" and "wear your favorite sport t-shirt" days. I will take her shopping one day this week for her new uniform clothes.
At King Academy I was able to sit down with the Communities in Schools counselor and begin to formulate a plan for Annie to help her succeed. This is an awesome organization and we have relied on them heavily for help with school supplies for the kids. If you see one of donations sites for "Stuff the Bus", please consider donating school supplies or money. They have provided an invaluable source of counseling and support for the kids.
Because Annie will be involved in after-school sports, I signed Chip up for the after-school program run by the Boys and Girls Club. The director is very dedicated to helping kids with their homework, which is great because Mr. Thornton has too many other things on his mind in the evenings. It also gives Chip a little extra social time with kids his age.
Charlie is not ready for school to start. He even told me he would prefer to stay home and do home school! (Unfortunately, I do not feel "smarter than a 5th grader" and not sure I could accomplish this!) I was surprised because he loves to be with his friends, but it made sense in that he is feeling more comfortable with us and wants to catch up on the "mom and me" time that he missed out on. We have met his new behavior teacher and are encouraged by his dedication and willingness to listen to our ideas and concerns.
Over the past 7 years we have truly learned the meaning of "it takes a village to raise a child". We thank all of you who have helped the kids get the clothes, shoes and supplies they need to have a good start to school this fall - we couldn't do it without you!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Back to School - Already!
August means back to school - already! The summer has been busy. The girls have enjoyed the Boys & Girls Club, making new friends and keeping active. Charlie has been attending some local day camps and football conditioning camp started in June. We appreciate all the coaches who get out there and help the boys stay fit and ready to play. After a mild start to our summer, the heat has finally arrived, and we spend lots of time at the pool. Last week Chip turned 7. His birthday is marks the years since we met Turk and the kids. Can't believe it has been a 7 year journey already.
The start of another school year means backpacks, school supplies and uniforms and shoes. While uniforms make for hassle free mornings deciding what to wear, it also means a big expenditure for growing kids. We have searched out the charities and thrift stores in the past and those options have not been very fruitful. It is important the kids can start their school year with all the supplies, good shoes and well fitting uniforms so that they can feel good about themselves.
Marquel will start high school this year. She is a little nervous about going to a large school after being in a small and familiar environment the last 6 years. Annie will be in 7th grade at King Academy (elementary and middle school combined). She is looking forward to being involved in sports. Chip will be going into 2nd grade. Because Charlie lives with us and goes to school in Bulverde, he doesn't have to wear uniforms.
Each year I cringe a little when I have to ask for help for these kids. But I always think back on little Marquel who started 3rd grade her first year in San Antonio. She had no recollection of attending school in New Orleans. We spent much of 3rd grade going over 1st and 2nd grade work in order for her to be able to do the 3rd grade assignments. It was her determination and tenacity that pulled her through, and she has been on the AB Honor Roll each year since.
Marquel, Annie and Chip will need at least 3 pairs of pants and shirts each. If you would like to help, here are several options:
1. Tax Deductible cash donations can be made to St. John Lutheran Church (please indicate "Thornton Family Fund" on the check). This fund is used 100% for family needs.
2. Gift cards to Walmart, HEB, or Visa Gift cards are very welcome. Please contact me for address to send them to.
3. Cash donations can be sent to me through Paypal. Again, contact me for instructions.
Because of your generosity each year, there are 4 kids who have had the opportunity to not only go to school, but to thrive.
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
The start of another school year means backpacks, school supplies and uniforms and shoes. While uniforms make for hassle free mornings deciding what to wear, it also means a big expenditure for growing kids. We have searched out the charities and thrift stores in the past and those options have not been very fruitful. It is important the kids can start their school year with all the supplies, good shoes and well fitting uniforms so that they can feel good about themselves.
Marquel will start high school this year. She is a little nervous about going to a large school after being in a small and familiar environment the last 6 years. Annie will be in 7th grade at King Academy (elementary and middle school combined). She is looking forward to being involved in sports. Chip will be going into 2nd grade. Because Charlie lives with us and goes to school in Bulverde, he doesn't have to wear uniforms.
Each year I cringe a little when I have to ask for help for these kids. But I always think back on little Marquel who started 3rd grade her first year in San Antonio. She had no recollection of attending school in New Orleans. We spent much of 3rd grade going over 1st and 2nd grade work in order for her to be able to do the 3rd grade assignments. It was her determination and tenacity that pulled her through, and she has been on the AB Honor Roll each year since.
Marquel, Annie and Chip will need at least 3 pairs of pants and shirts each. If you would like to help, here are several options:
1. Tax Deductible cash donations can be made to St. John Lutheran Church (please indicate "Thornton Family Fund" on the check). This fund is used 100% for family needs.
2. Gift cards to Walmart, HEB, or Visa Gift cards are very welcome. Please contact me for address to send them to.
3. Cash donations can be sent to me through Paypal. Again, contact me for instructions.
Because of your generosity each year, there are 4 kids who have had the opportunity to not only go to school, but to thrive.
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Charlie turns 10!
An acquaintance told us early on that we had little chance of ending the cycle of poverty for these 4 kids. "Maybe for one of them" was her conclusion. I refuse to accept that dismal prediction.
Marquel is looking at a college preparatory high school. Annie is on the A-B Honor Roll again and dreams of being a doctor. Charlie admires pretty houses and nice cars. Chip is as smart as a whip and has not been exposed to the hardships of his older siblings.
As Charlie turns 10, we think back to the little 3 year old boy we first met at the shelter. His reaction to the trauma was to hit and kick, and even then he had to sit on my lap so I could hold his hands and feet while I read books to the kids. He never stopped running, and after a few days he never stopped talking. At the time we had no idea that the trauma was far wider and deeper than Hurricane Katrina.
What could we expect from a little boy who was beaten, abused, neglected, and abandoned by his mother, seldom if ever had food (much less healthy food), had a new baby brother at a time when he desperately needed his mom, nearly drowned in the flood water, witnessed sites, sounds and smells that are difficult for adults to process, suffers from ADHD, and probably feels abandoned again by his step-father who was unable to cope with the behavior of a traumatized little boy.
According to doctors and therapists, by the age of 9-10, children have developed their personality. When we look at Charlie now we see a little boy who is very attached to us, sweet, charming and athletic. He has a great sense of humor and an uncanny ability to process and retain information. He likes everyone and wants everyone to be his friend.
One would think that a child who has been nearly starved would eat anything, but we find the opposite to be true. He never had the opportunity to grow accustomed to the tastes and textures of good food. Little by little we are able to introduce new foods and hopefully some day he will understand the importance of good nutrition.
We have watched amazed as we see him try to tease another child into being his friend, is learning to keep his hands and feet to himself when frustrated or angry, and seldom uses the bad language to which he was exposed to so freely. We have seen tears of sadness and love to hear him laugh, both of which were absent for so many years. He fiercely protects his belongings and has lost the "disposable" attitude that can come with being given too much. He is learning to deal with change, and how to keep himself organized, a big challenge for all ADHD kids.
At times we have questioned ourselves; are our middle class standards and expectations too high? But what happens if we lower the expectations - they will only come up to the bar that we set. Only time will tell how much of a difference we have been able to make for these kids, and there will be a point for all of them where they will have to choose the right path to their goals and aspirations. At least we have given them that option.
When I say "we" - you are an important part of that equation too - this is not something that we have done or could continue to do without your support.
Until next time....
Stephanie
Marquel is looking at a college preparatory high school. Annie is on the A-B Honor Roll again and dreams of being a doctor. Charlie admires pretty houses and nice cars. Chip is as smart as a whip and has not been exposed to the hardships of his older siblings.
As Charlie turns 10, we think back to the little 3 year old boy we first met at the shelter. His reaction to the trauma was to hit and kick, and even then he had to sit on my lap so I could hold his hands and feet while I read books to the kids. He never stopped running, and after a few days he never stopped talking. At the time we had no idea that the trauma was far wider and deeper than Hurricane Katrina.
What could we expect from a little boy who was beaten, abused, neglected, and abandoned by his mother, seldom if ever had food (much less healthy food), had a new baby brother at a time when he desperately needed his mom, nearly drowned in the flood water, witnessed sites, sounds and smells that are difficult for adults to process, suffers from ADHD, and probably feels abandoned again by his step-father who was unable to cope with the behavior of a traumatized little boy.
According to doctors and therapists, by the age of 9-10, children have developed their personality. When we look at Charlie now we see a little boy who is very attached to us, sweet, charming and athletic. He has a great sense of humor and an uncanny ability to process and retain information. He likes everyone and wants everyone to be his friend.
One would think that a child who has been nearly starved would eat anything, but we find the opposite to be true. He never had the opportunity to grow accustomed to the tastes and textures of good food. Little by little we are able to introduce new foods and hopefully some day he will understand the importance of good nutrition.
We have watched amazed as we see him try to tease another child into being his friend, is learning to keep his hands and feet to himself when frustrated or angry, and seldom uses the bad language to which he was exposed to so freely. We have seen tears of sadness and love to hear him laugh, both of which were absent for so many years. He fiercely protects his belongings and has lost the "disposable" attitude that can come with being given too much. He is learning to deal with change, and how to keep himself organized, a big challenge for all ADHD kids.
At times we have questioned ourselves; are our middle class standards and expectations too high? But what happens if we lower the expectations - they will only come up to the bar that we set. Only time will tell how much of a difference we have been able to make for these kids, and there will be a point for all of them where they will have to choose the right path to their goals and aspirations. At least we have given them that option.
When I say "we" - you are an important part of that equation too - this is not something that we have done or could continue to do without your support.
Until next time....
Stephanie
Monday, December 26, 2011
Peace, Joy, Hope and Love
Christmas Eve morning was a little hard for Charlie. His sisters were coming to our house for a few hours and his anxiety was showing. He has become very protective of his space in our home, both literally and emotionally. After a small meltdown, I sat down and talked to him about it. I explained that we might be a little unsure about how the day would go, but it was Christmas and we should do our best to make it a good day.
At church the kids were given an Advent wreath, candles and the banners to color that say Hope, Joy, Peace and Love.
So I asked him "What does Christmas mean?" He looked at me rather puzzled. "Peace - what does Peace mean?"
"Try to get along" he said.
Me: "Joy, what does Joy mean?"
Charlie: "Be happy"
Me: "Love - what does Love mean?"
Charlie: "Be nice to each other"
Me: "What does Hope mean?"
Charlie: "Hope we have a good day"
In the beautifully simple terms of a child, we wish you and yours Peace, Joy, Love and Hope this season.
Mr. Thornton, Marquel, Annie, Charlie and Chip
At church the kids were given an Advent wreath, candles and the banners to color that say Hope, Joy, Peace and Love.
So I asked him "What does Christmas mean?" He looked at me rather puzzled. "Peace - what does Peace mean?"
"Try to get along" he said.
Me: "Joy, what does Joy mean?"
Charlie: "Be happy"
Me: "Love - what does Love mean?"
Charlie: "Be nice to each other"
Me: "What does Hope mean?"
Charlie: "Hope we have a good day"
In the beautifully simple terms of a child, we wish you and yours Peace, Joy, Love and Hope this season.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Stephanie and RandyMr. Thornton, Marquel, Annie, Charlie and Chip
Friday, December 2, 2011
Time to Give Thanks
This year has gone by so fast, and there is so much to be thankful for:
Marquel is in 8th grade, on the A-B honor roll, and loves her sports. She has a Big Sister, which is so awesome, as it gives her someone she can talk to and look up to.
Annie is doing much better in school this year, and she is so proud. She loves to read and always has a list of books that she wants, which we try very hard to provide for her. Both girls are more involved in their neighborhood church, leading in the singing, which is great for their self esteem.
Since we don't see the girls as often as we used to, we are surprised how tall they are getting, and how fast they are growing up. After some difficult times and decisions for us, we are pleased that the girls are doing better and developing a closer bond with their step father.
Charlie loves school, friends and sports. His football team made it to the playoffs, and he was really proud.
Chip is almost as tall as Charlie now. We have him most weekends and the most important thing is X-Box and computer games! Every morning he is at our house he asks "Do we go to church today?" He LOVES church!
Mr. Thornton turned 75 this year (which he really doesn't want anyone to know!) It has been a very hard year with the loss of his son and we can see the emotional and physical toll it has taken on him. Not being able to work is very difficult for him. It seems very unfair that SSI denies him the right to do any kind of work.
When Mr. Thornton agreed to take in his wife's kids, we told him we would help out as best we could. This is a life-long mission and we can't thank all of you enough for your help and assistance.
With Christmas approaching, we are mindful of the on-going needs of the family. We would like to provide Mr. Thornton with the following:
If you would like to help - here are some choices:
Happy Holidays to you and your families!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Marquel is in 8th grade, on the A-B honor roll, and loves her sports. She has a Big Sister, which is so awesome, as it gives her someone she can talk to and look up to.
Annie is doing much better in school this year, and she is so proud. She loves to read and always has a list of books that she wants, which we try very hard to provide for her. Both girls are more involved in their neighborhood church, leading in the singing, which is great for their self esteem.
Since we don't see the girls as often as we used to, we are surprised how tall they are getting, and how fast they are growing up. After some difficult times and decisions for us, we are pleased that the girls are doing better and developing a closer bond with their step father.
Charlie loves school, friends and sports. His football team made it to the playoffs, and he was really proud.
Chip is almost as tall as Charlie now. We have him most weekends and the most important thing is X-Box and computer games! Every morning he is at our house he asks "Do we go to church today?" He LOVES church!
Mr. Thornton turned 75 this year (which he really doesn't want anyone to know!) It has been a very hard year with the loss of his son and we can see the emotional and physical toll it has taken on him. Not being able to work is very difficult for him. It seems very unfair that SSI denies him the right to do any kind of work.
When Mr. Thornton agreed to take in his wife's kids, we told him we would help out as best we could. This is a life-long mission and we can't thank all of you enough for your help and assistance.
With Christmas approaching, we are mindful of the on-going needs of the family. We would like to provide Mr. Thornton with the following:
- Paper products such as toilet paper, napkins, paper towels
- Cleaning supplies
- Soaps - laundry soap, dish soap and hand soap
If you would like to help - here are some choices:
- Visa Gift Card (or cash) - so that they can use at store of their choice
- Tax Deductible contributions can be made to St. John Lutheran Church (please indicate Thornton Family Fund on your check)
- Gifts can be purchased for Mr. Thornton and/or the kids. Email me if you would like a wish list.
Happy Holidays to you and your families!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Saturday, September 10, 2011
"It's just stuff"
Today on my facebook, in response to a friend's post, someone commented on the fires in Bastrop. The post said, "It is hard to remember that stuff is just stuff".
Well, that is true, however. . . it tells me that this person has never lost everything they owned nor have they been there with others to see the devastating effects that a disaster leaves behind. The trauma is only beginning for those affected by this disaster.
For many, insurance is a luxury (and in some disasters, insurance won't help anyway). Sure, the mundane things of life can be replace; a fingernail clipper, scissors, pens and pencils, all those things we use every day that we don't even think about.
It is a precious things that are missed - a picture of mom, a memento of the past, those things to which we attach fond memories - those are the things that cannot be replaced. When Mr. Thornton is reminiscing he often starts to get up and then gets a strange look on his face as he says "oh that's right, I don't have it any more".
For the first time in his life Charlie has a bed that is all his own. He is very attached to his bed, his pillow and his blankets. For a little boy to lose his bed would be trauma that we couldn't imagine, to say nothing about the toys and games that he protects fiercely.
Since we have had fires all around us, I am packing a suitcase just in case. I am making sure all the important documents have been returned to the fire safe box and wondering what other important things I should put in a box ready to go at a moment's notice.
No matter how we perceive ourselves - richer, smarter or more prepared for the unexpected, we can all say
"There but for the grace of God go I"
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Well, that is true, however. . . it tells me that this person has never lost everything they owned nor have they been there with others to see the devastating effects that a disaster leaves behind. The trauma is only beginning for those affected by this disaster.
For many, insurance is a luxury (and in some disasters, insurance won't help anyway). Sure, the mundane things of life can be replace; a fingernail clipper, scissors, pens and pencils, all those things we use every day that we don't even think about.
It is a precious things that are missed - a picture of mom, a memento of the past, those things to which we attach fond memories - those are the things that cannot be replaced. When Mr. Thornton is reminiscing he often starts to get up and then gets a strange look on his face as he says "oh that's right, I don't have it any more".
For the first time in his life Charlie has a bed that is all his own. He is very attached to his bed, his pillow and his blankets. For a little boy to lose his bed would be trauma that we couldn't imagine, to say nothing about the toys and games that he protects fiercely.
Since we have had fires all around us, I am packing a suitcase just in case. I am making sure all the important documents have been returned to the fire safe box and wondering what other important things I should put in a box ready to go at a moment's notice.
No matter how we perceive ourselves - richer, smarter or more prepared for the unexpected, we can all say
"There but for the grace of God go I"
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Monday, August 29, 2011
FEMA - 6 Years Later!
It has been six years since Hurricane Katrina.
Last week Mr. Thornton received a letter from FEMA stating that they had "overpaid" him in the amount of $2,000.00! No explanation, no proof of any kind, simply a request for him to pay it back.
Since we helped Mr. Thornton through the mountains of confusing paperwork, we know exactly what he had received. Are they referring to the $2,000.00 initial payment given to citizens following their evacuation from affected areas? Now they want it back??? They didn't tell him it was a loan!
After all he went through with FEMA, filling out stacks of forms to discover weeks later that they were lost, being denied benefits, and reapplying, this all seems just a bit incredulous.
He can write a letter of "explanation for accepting this overpayment", or he can appeal their request for repayment. Since he has no idea why they think he was overpaid, how can he write a letter of explanation?
So we will write a letter of appeal and point out a few facts:
Mr. Thornton lost his home.
He lost all his 68 years of accumulated possessions (much of which was stolen when he was denied access to his home in New Orleans).
He lost his source of income.
He lost his close-knit family support system.
Unable to return to his damaged home, he now has to pay twice the price in rent without his grown children who lived with him to contribute to household costs.
He lost his wife to her alcoholism, and she abandoned 4 small children with him.
A serious injury forced him to accept Social Security Disability, but ironically, that denies him the right of having any income, even for a job that he could physically do.
So we helped him write the Appeal letter, explained that Mr. Thornton accepted what they gave him, did not attempt in any way to defraud them, and hope they drop it!
Will the trauma never end?
Keep him in your prayers . . .
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Last week Mr. Thornton received a letter from FEMA stating that they had "overpaid" him in the amount of $2,000.00! No explanation, no proof of any kind, simply a request for him to pay it back.
Since we helped Mr. Thornton through the mountains of confusing paperwork, we know exactly what he had received. Are they referring to the $2,000.00 initial payment given to citizens following their evacuation from affected areas? Now they want it back??? They didn't tell him it was a loan!
After all he went through with FEMA, filling out stacks of forms to discover weeks later that they were lost, being denied benefits, and reapplying, this all seems just a bit incredulous.
He can write a letter of "explanation for accepting this overpayment", or he can appeal their request for repayment. Since he has no idea why they think he was overpaid, how can he write a letter of explanation?
So we will write a letter of appeal and point out a few facts:
Mr. Thornton lost his home.
He lost all his 68 years of accumulated possessions (much of which was stolen when he was denied access to his home in New Orleans).
He lost his source of income.
He lost his close-knit family support system.
Unable to return to his damaged home, he now has to pay twice the price in rent without his grown children who lived with him to contribute to household costs.
He lost his wife to her alcoholism, and she abandoned 4 small children with him.
A serious injury forced him to accept Social Security Disability, but ironically, that denies him the right of having any income, even for a job that he could physically do.
So we helped him write the Appeal letter, explained that Mr. Thornton accepted what they gave him, did not attempt in any way to defraud them, and hope they drop it!
Will the trauma never end?
Keep him in your prayers . . .
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Sunday, August 21, 2011
A Great Summer
It has been a busy and eventful summer. The kids have been ready to go back to school for about a month!
Charlie finally got to go to camp. He went to TBarM Camp in New Braunfels, a Christian day camp. He enjoyed it thoroughly and made friends with a boy who was adopted from the Ukraine. We found it fascinating that he chose a boy with a similar background to his own.
Chip was able to spend about half the summer with us. He LOVED his swimming lessons! Thank you to the sponsors of the swimming lessons, they were thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated. These lessons have been high on our priority list each year as it not only gives them a life skill, hopefully it helped them overcome their fear of water and floods.
Marquel was able to go to church camp thanks to the great people at St. John Lutheran Church. From what we hear it was a meaningful experience for her. She has spent time with her new Big Sister from the Big Sister/Big Brother program. Her Big Sister asked coworkers to donate school supplies for the kids and was very proud to bring the kids everything that they needed.
We have Annie signed up for a Big Sister as well. Hopefully this will give the girls a friend that they can look up to and talk to. We are working to get Annie tested and qualified for some extra help at school. Her early childhood has left her stuck at about a 6 year old emotional state. This results in difficulty with her school work as she is still learning like a 6 year old and we fear that 6th grade work will be unmanageable for her as we have seen her grades decline over the past few years. Please pray that we can get her the help she needs.
Charlie is back at football, and loving it. We can see how much improvement he has made in a year's time. He has progressed from not eating at all to eating TWO fruits and TWO vegetables every day! This summer he has learned to eat 3 full meals a day and sometimes even 4. He still makes funny faces when he has to chew his fruits and vegetables, but he at least gets them down. Regular early bedtime, better nutrition and a better state of mind has made a big difference for him.
They are always excited for school to get started, and they LOVE getting their new shoes. We find that good quality shoes might be a little more expensive but they last several times as long as the cheaper ones.
A big huge Thank You for all who helped the kids have a great summer, new school shoes and uniforms, and experiences that they will not forget.
Throughout the summer we have had some big ups and downs. Once again we learned how much it means to us to have the love and support of all of you.
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Be sure to check out our Sister Blog which is a little more "anonymous"
Charlie finally got to go to camp. He went to TBarM Camp in New Braunfels, a Christian day camp. He enjoyed it thoroughly and made friends with a boy who was adopted from the Ukraine. We found it fascinating that he chose a boy with a similar background to his own.
Chip was able to spend about half the summer with us. He LOVED his swimming lessons! Thank you to the sponsors of the swimming lessons, they were thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated. These lessons have been high on our priority list each year as it not only gives them a life skill, hopefully it helped them overcome their fear of water and floods.
Marquel was able to go to church camp thanks to the great people at St. John Lutheran Church. From what we hear it was a meaningful experience for her. She has spent time with her new Big Sister from the Big Sister/Big Brother program. Her Big Sister asked coworkers to donate school supplies for the kids and was very proud to bring the kids everything that they needed.
We have Annie signed up for a Big Sister as well. Hopefully this will give the girls a friend that they can look up to and talk to. We are working to get Annie tested and qualified for some extra help at school. Her early childhood has left her stuck at about a 6 year old emotional state. This results in difficulty with her school work as she is still learning like a 6 year old and we fear that 6th grade work will be unmanageable for her as we have seen her grades decline over the past few years. Please pray that we can get her the help she needs.
Charlie is back at football, and loving it. We can see how much improvement he has made in a year's time. He has progressed from not eating at all to eating TWO fruits and TWO vegetables every day! This summer he has learned to eat 3 full meals a day and sometimes even 4. He still makes funny faces when he has to chew his fruits and vegetables, but he at least gets them down. Regular early bedtime, better nutrition and a better state of mind has made a big difference for him.
They are always excited for school to get started, and they LOVE getting their new shoes. We find that good quality shoes might be a little more expensive but they last several times as long as the cheaper ones.
Throughout the summer we have had some big ups and downs. Once again we learned how much it means to us to have the love and support of all of you.
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Be sure to check out our Sister Blog which is a little more "anonymous"
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
New Sister Blog
Due to the fact that "Our Kids" are getting older, I felt that it would be good to start a "sister blog" that will allow discussion without violating the privacy of the kids.
I will not send an email when there is a new post ~ please use the "Follow by Email" link if you are interested in receiving an email each time a new post is added. The new blog is "Our Kids" by Choice
My hope is that in a more anonymous way you will be able to learn more about the issues that come with kids who have been abused and neglected.
I will continue to post on this blog also, and because my email list is getting so long, I encourage you to use the "Follow by Email" on this blog as well.
Events of the last weeks have shown us once again that the love and support you all show to us is so valuable. We could not do this without all of you!
Until next time . . .
Stephanie
I will not send an email when there is a new post ~ please use the "Follow by Email" link if you are interested in receiving an email each time a new post is added. The new blog is "Our Kids" by Choice
My hope is that in a more anonymous way you will be able to learn more about the issues that come with kids who have been abused and neglected.
I will continue to post on this blog also, and because my email list is getting so long, I encourage you to use the "Follow by Email" on this blog as well.
Events of the last weeks have shown us once again that the love and support you all show to us is so valuable. We could not do this without all of you!
Until next time . . .
Stephanie
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Lessons in Freedom
This morning I asked the kids "Monday is a holiday, what holiday is it?"
"Independence Day!" shouted Annie.
"What does that mean? Independence from what?" I asked.
"From Spain!" Annie shouted again.
Well, I guess they don't teach that until at least 6th grade??? Of course when I said "England" and Randy said "Great Britain", that compounded the confusion.
When Randy starts a story by saying "When I was a child . . ." it elicits unanimous groans from the kids. Occasionally Charlie will ask if we can trap a wild bird and keep it in a cage as a pet. Then Randy starts in ~ "When I was a child . . . my dad and I caught a couple of sparrows and kept them in a cage for a few days. One day I decided it was not right to keep them in the cage, so I let them go. Those two little birds did not fly away, instead they flew up in the sky over my head, chirping, singing and putting on an acrobatic show that I have never seen birds do before or since."
This incident made such an impression on Randy ~ what true freedom means. I wish I had a recording of "O America" that Randy sang in church this morning - but here is one of my favorite links for this song:
Happy 4th ~ and thank you to all who work for our freedoms.
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
"Independence Day!" shouted Annie.
"What does that mean? Independence from what?" I asked.
"From Spain!" Annie shouted again.
Well, I guess they don't teach that until at least 6th grade??? Of course when I said "England" and Randy said "Great Britain", that compounded the confusion.
When Randy starts a story by saying "When I was a child . . ." it elicits unanimous groans from the kids. Occasionally Charlie will ask if we can trap a wild bird and keep it in a cage as a pet. Then Randy starts in ~ "When I was a child . . . my dad and I caught a couple of sparrows and kept them in a cage for a few days. One day I decided it was not right to keep them in the cage, so I let them go. Those two little birds did not fly away, instead they flew up in the sky over my head, chirping, singing and putting on an acrobatic show that I have never seen birds do before or since."
This incident made such an impression on Randy ~ what true freedom means. I wish I had a recording of "O America" that Randy sang in church this morning - but here is one of my favorite links for this song:
Happy 4th ~ and thank you to all who work for our freedoms.
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Hard Lessons and Sweet Rewards
Occasionally there is a really big Red-Letter kind of day!
A few weeks ago Randy had business in Houston, so Randy's sister and I took advantage of the opportunity to take Charlie to NASA Space Center. Charlie was elated to have Miss Debbie visiting, and to be able to spend the night at a hotel with a pool! And oh yes, Miss Debbie took him to a real live baseball game because her favorite team, the Cardinals was playing.
The Space Center was awesome, with games and rides and tours and movies and a museum. Some of the games utilized little Nerf type balls and they were scattered around outside some of the game areas. Charlie picked one up and carried it around for a while - but I did not realize until we got home that it came home with us.
I was tempted to think "it is just a little ball", but it was not right for him to take it, after all. So we sat down and Charlie wrote a letter apologizing for taking the ball and we mailed it back (oh yes, the postage had to come out of his little cup of change that he earns for doing chores).
A week or so later Charlie got a letter from the Space Center thanking him for returning the ball. It was very nice that they took the time to thank him for doing the right thing. I hoped Charlie got the message.
Today there was a package in the mailbox addressed to "Charles and Family". Inside was a very nice letter and a book. The letter was from a David Cisco and the book he wrote titled "Full Circle". (Click on the book title to visit his website). The letter commended Charlie for his honesty, admonished him to always listen to his mom, and invited him to come visit the Space Center again as his guest!
Randy pointed out that Mr. Cisco's email address was at the bottom of the letter and suggested that Charlie could email him a thank you note. "His phone number is here too - I'm going to call him!" and Charlie was off to find the phone. He left a nice message (he's learning!) and no more than hit the Off button on the phone than it rang. Mr. Cisco had called him back!
We will begin reading the book tonight - - especially the story Mr. Cisco pointed out and highlighted about a similar incident when he was a young boy. From a quick glance through the book, I think it will be a great book to read to Charlie. It seems Mr. Cisco worked very hard to overcome adversities in his life, and maybe it will encourage Charlie to work hard as well.
Charlie will now be proud to tell his friends he has a new friend who is a real live astronaut! Think he will remember this little lesson?
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
A few weeks ago Randy had business in Houston, so Randy's sister and I took advantage of the opportunity to take Charlie to NASA Space Center. Charlie was elated to have Miss Debbie visiting, and to be able to spend the night at a hotel with a pool! And oh yes, Miss Debbie took him to a real live baseball game because her favorite team, the Cardinals was playing.
The Space Center was awesome, with games and rides and tours and movies and a museum. Some of the games utilized little Nerf type balls and they were scattered around outside some of the game areas. Charlie picked one up and carried it around for a while - but I did not realize until we got home that it came home with us.
I was tempted to think "it is just a little ball", but it was not right for him to take it, after all. So we sat down and Charlie wrote a letter apologizing for taking the ball and we mailed it back (oh yes, the postage had to come out of his little cup of change that he earns for doing chores).
A week or so later Charlie got a letter from the Space Center thanking him for returning the ball. It was very nice that they took the time to thank him for doing the right thing. I hoped Charlie got the message.
Today there was a package in the mailbox addressed to "Charles and Family". Inside was a very nice letter and a book. The letter was from a David Cisco and the book he wrote titled "Full Circle". (Click on the book title to visit his website). The letter commended Charlie for his honesty, admonished him to always listen to his mom, and invited him to come visit the Space Center again as his guest!
Randy pointed out that Mr. Cisco's email address was at the bottom of the letter and suggested that Charlie could email him a thank you note. "His phone number is here too - I'm going to call him!" and Charlie was off to find the phone. He left a nice message (he's learning!) and no more than hit the Off button on the phone than it rang. Mr. Cisco had called him back!
We will begin reading the book tonight - - especially the story Mr. Cisco pointed out and highlighted about a similar incident when he was a young boy. From a quick glance through the book, I think it will be a great book to read to Charlie. It seems Mr. Cisco worked very hard to overcome adversities in his life, and maybe it will encourage Charlie to work hard as well.
Charlie will now be proud to tell his friends he has a new friend who is a real live astronaut! Think he will remember this little lesson?
Photo: Some of the planets Charlie and I made for science project - note the shuttle and space module!
Stephanie
Monday, June 20, 2011
Let Go and Let God . . .
It has been a while since I posted. The last year has been difficult and it is hard to write when the mind and heart can't get together. With the help of dear friends and family, we have been able to see more clearly, once again proving that this mission is not ours alone, but takes the love and support of many.
As we look back over the last 5 years it is easier to see in hindsight things that we did not understand at the time. Marquel (now 14) had (and still has) a very strong loyalty to her mom. Although her mom left her in charge of the younger kids often, Marquel wanted a relationship with her mom and vacillated between being disgusted by her mom's behavior and desperately trying to win her love and attention.
This conflict within Marquel caused her to hold me at arm's length and push me away if she felt we were too close, resisting any type of relationship. As she pushed me further away and became more and more insolent, she resorted to accusing me of being mean and nasty to her, giving her an excuse to to make the wall between us thicker and stronger. By the time she turned 13 we had no relationship to hold us together through her turbulent times.
Annie suffers a great deal due to the neglect and abuse from her mom. She looks to Marquel as the mother figure, which makes it difficult for her to have a good relationship with me. Her desire for affection is often expressed in inappropriate ways and her social skills are severely lacking.
When the kids mom took them back to New Orleans and subsequently asked us to come get them, we promised Turk we would help him in any way that we could. Initially their household was in huge turmoil as they struggled to build a family together. We began taking the kids to counseling in the hopes that they could come to terms with their new life and learn to live together as a happy family. The girls seem to have bonded with Turk, and that was our goal. Now we have to find the strength to give them space so that they can build a strong family unit.
We miss the girls a lot, they filled the house with their laughter as they played.
Randy and I have often been asked if the girls resent the fact that we "chose" Charlie to live with us. This is not what transpired. At a time when the girls were pushing us away, we saw Charlie floundering. He was made the scapegoat from all sides. His ADHD made it hard for him to control himself, and he was striking out, which caused more trouble. Marquel, as the "mom" in the home, found herself unable to control him, and often resorted to malicious tactics. We saw a little boy with so much potential, but at a point where he was going down the wrong path that would lead to a miserable future, and a house in chaos. While the girls held us at arms length, Charlie was willing to let us be surrogate parents.
When we approached Turk with the idea of Charlie coming to live with us, he did not resist. He knew that he could not deal with Charlie, and we knew that he had no understanding of the ADHD or the problems resulting from the neglect, abandonment and abuse from his mom.
The first few months with Charlie were extremely difficult, but he did far better in school that we anticipated. Over the past few weeks of summer vacation we have heard him laugh in a genuine way. While he misses his siblings, he does not want to go back there to live. He is figuring out ways to play by himself, which is good for him, and he is smart enough and has the desire to learn to live in a way that won't cause him to be in constant trouble. He is developing a sense of humor and we have lots of laughs together.
The hardest part of letting go of the girls is the realization that we may not be allowed to see Chip as often as we see the girls manipulate this into our rejection of them. The cultural divide has become deeper and more apparent and it breaks our heart that they will not allow us to give them so much of what the world has to offer. We hope that we have been able to give them at least a small foundation to build on, and that as they mature, they will realize we had their best interest at heart.
As we are allowed access to the girls, I will keep you updated as time goes on, but I hope this will help you understand why it may seem a little slanted towards Charlie and his accomplishments. Here is what we know. . .
Marquel has finished 7th grade and was on the A-B Honor Roll, received awards for her involvement in sports, and really enjoys school. We enrolled her in the Big Brother-Big Sister program, and she now has a new friend, someone who will be impartial and hopefully be a good role model for her.
Annie really struggled in school this year, but due to restrictive Texas laws, we probably won't be able to get her any additional help. We are trying to get the school to step up and provide her with the extra help she needs.
Chip is a smart little cookie, and as cute as can be. We see some of the same characteristics that lead up to Charlie's ADHD diagnosis, but we hope that with maturity he will either outgrow or overcome these behavior problems.
We can see the toll that the death of Turk's son, Randy (age 26) has had on him. He seems to have aged a lot over the past month. Please keep him in your prayers that he will be able to stay healthy enough to take care of these kids. Without him, they would be living on the streets of New Orleans with their mom, and then what chance would they have.
As one very wise friend said, "we can only do the best we can and then we have to let God do the rest". Thank you Janet for the wisdom!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
As we look back over the last 5 years it is easier to see in hindsight things that we did not understand at the time. Marquel (now 14) had (and still has) a very strong loyalty to her mom. Although her mom left her in charge of the younger kids often, Marquel wanted a relationship with her mom and vacillated between being disgusted by her mom's behavior and desperately trying to win her love and attention.
This conflict within Marquel caused her to hold me at arm's length and push me away if she felt we were too close, resisting any type of relationship. As she pushed me further away and became more and more insolent, she resorted to accusing me of being mean and nasty to her, giving her an excuse to to make the wall between us thicker and stronger. By the time she turned 13 we had no relationship to hold us together through her turbulent times.
Annie suffers a great deal due to the neglect and abuse from her mom. She looks to Marquel as the mother figure, which makes it difficult for her to have a good relationship with me. Her desire for affection is often expressed in inappropriate ways and her social skills are severely lacking.
When the kids mom took them back to New Orleans and subsequently asked us to come get them, we promised Turk we would help him in any way that we could. Initially their household was in huge turmoil as they struggled to build a family together. We began taking the kids to counseling in the hopes that they could come to terms with their new life and learn to live together as a happy family. The girls seem to have bonded with Turk, and that was our goal. Now we have to find the strength to give them space so that they can build a strong family unit.
We miss the girls a lot, they filled the house with their laughter as they played.
Randy and I have often been asked if the girls resent the fact that we "chose" Charlie to live with us. This is not what transpired. At a time when the girls were pushing us away, we saw Charlie floundering. He was made the scapegoat from all sides. His ADHD made it hard for him to control himself, and he was striking out, which caused more trouble. Marquel, as the "mom" in the home, found herself unable to control him, and often resorted to malicious tactics. We saw a little boy with so much potential, but at a point where he was going down the wrong path that would lead to a miserable future, and a house in chaos. While the girls held us at arms length, Charlie was willing to let us be surrogate parents.
When we approached Turk with the idea of Charlie coming to live with us, he did not resist. He knew that he could not deal with Charlie, and we knew that he had no understanding of the ADHD or the problems resulting from the neglect, abandonment and abuse from his mom.
The first few months with Charlie were extremely difficult, but he did far better in school that we anticipated. Over the past few weeks of summer vacation we have heard him laugh in a genuine way. While he misses his siblings, he does not want to go back there to live. He is figuring out ways to play by himself, which is good for him, and he is smart enough and has the desire to learn to live in a way that won't cause him to be in constant trouble. He is developing a sense of humor and we have lots of laughs together.
The hardest part of letting go of the girls is the realization that we may not be allowed to see Chip as often as we see the girls manipulate this into our rejection of them. The cultural divide has become deeper and more apparent and it breaks our heart that they will not allow us to give them so much of what the world has to offer. We hope that we have been able to give them at least a small foundation to build on, and that as they mature, they will realize we had their best interest at heart.
As we are allowed access to the girls, I will keep you updated as time goes on, but I hope this will help you understand why it may seem a little slanted towards Charlie and his accomplishments. Here is what we know. . .
Marquel has finished 7th grade and was on the A-B Honor Roll, received awards for her involvement in sports, and really enjoys school. We enrolled her in the Big Brother-Big Sister program, and she now has a new friend, someone who will be impartial and hopefully be a good role model for her.
Annie really struggled in school this year, but due to restrictive Texas laws, we probably won't be able to get her any additional help. We are trying to get the school to step up and provide her with the extra help she needs.
Chip is a smart little cookie, and as cute as can be. We see some of the same characteristics that lead up to Charlie's ADHD diagnosis, but we hope that with maturity he will either outgrow or overcome these behavior problems.
We can see the toll that the death of Turk's son, Randy (age 26) has had on him. He seems to have aged a lot over the past month. Please keep him in your prayers that he will be able to stay healthy enough to take care of these kids. Without him, they would be living on the streets of New Orleans with their mom, and then what chance would they have.
As one very wise friend said, "we can only do the best we can and then we have to let God do the rest". Thank you Janet for the wisdom!
Until next time. . .
Stephanie
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Happy-tude
Last weekend we had "church" at home with the kids. Since they had been learning about the Beatitudes at Sunday School, we continued on that theme.
As we read and discussed, I realized how timely the subject matter was. We are dealing with kids who have "issues" on top of "issues" on top of trauma after trauma. For Annie and Marquel it is the pre-teen and teen "issues" on top of the already big pile of stuff they have to deal with.
We are taking advantage of spring break to help Annie with her math, but it is a struggle. When she gets tired or frustrated the big old pout comes out and it is hard to refocus on learning. Then it becomes frustrating for us as we try to help. Sometimes we try to tease her out of her "attitude" by calling her Tudy.
Later in the day Chip came to me in the office and said with a twinkle in his eye and a hopeful look on his face, "Can Annie play now - she has a Happy - Tude".
Hope you have a Happy-tude day!
Until next time . . .
Stephanie
As we read and discussed, I realized how timely the subject matter was. We are dealing with kids who have "issues" on top of "issues" on top of trauma after trauma. For Annie and Marquel it is the pre-teen and teen "issues" on top of the already big pile of stuff they have to deal with.
We are taking advantage of spring break to help Annie with her math, but it is a struggle. When she gets tired or frustrated the big old pout comes out and it is hard to refocus on learning. Then it becomes frustrating for us as we try to help. Sometimes we try to tease her out of her "attitude" by calling her Tudy.Later in the day Chip came to me in the office and said with a twinkle in his eye and a hopeful look on his face, "Can Annie play now - she has a Happy - Tude".
Hope you have a Happy-tude day!
Until next time . . .
Stephanie
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Give Your Kids Teacher a Hug Today!
This morning I told Charlie that I would pick him up a little early from school to take him to see his doctor. His response was, "No - don't pick me up early!" I am so thankful that Charlie likes school so much that he doesn't want to miss any time there.
Before school started last fall Randy and I met with Charlie's teacher and principal to explain his background and to solicit their help and understanding in guiding Charlie through this first year at a new school. The first few months were a little rocky, but he is now doing very well and we seldom hear of a problem with his behavior.
While we hoped that Charlie could learn to behave in a manner that was respectful to both teachers and the other kids, we are simply astounded at his progress. At one planning meeting with his teacher and the Behavior Specialist, his teacher got tears in her eyes as she expressed her care and concern for Charlie.
At this school when there is a problem with behavior, the child is sent to the Behavior Specialist's room where she and her aides work with the child to help them understand why their behavior was wrong and how to make better choices in the future. Their love for Charlie and the other kids can be felt the minute you open the door to that room. The first few months of school, Charlie visited this room often and he is very proud of the fact that he hasn't had to go to STARS (as they call it) for quite some time.
Unfortunately, this program will probably be cut with the budget shortfalls. We are SO thankful that Charlie had the benefit of this program. It goes a lot further when other adults are telling him the same things that we are trying to teach him at home.
A couple weeks ago while picking up Chip and Annie at their school on a Friday afternoon, Chip's Kindergarten teacher asked me to please help Chip learn rhyming words. After visiting with her I realized I had no idea how important it was for a child to learn rhyming words. When I tried to explain to Mr. Thornton how to help Chip, it was quite apparent that the concept was way over his head, and the teacher knew that as well.
When Charlie came to live with us a year ago he had gone through so much trauma that I did not think it was wise to put him in a new school at this time of year and add trauma on top of trauma. I hoped I could figure out enough of his school work to help him through the end of the year, hopefully catching him up to where he should be. I quickly learned that it was very hard work to home school. I spent hours searching for appropriate lesson plans, only to discover how little I knew about learning theories, teaching strategies and methodology. I prayed that Charlie would be ready emotionally to go to school in the fall. I knew that I would not be able to give him what trained teachers could.
My day "begins" when Charlie gets home from school. With his ADHD he requires lots of supervision with homework, and I hope that he will get better at it before he gets into grades where it is harder for me to help him.
As in any profession, there are those who are better at what they do. We are so fortunate to have the best teachers for Charlie, a teacher for Chip who cares enough to ask for our help and teachers who volunteer to stay after school to tutor Annie - and even give her a ride home! And all the teachers who took Marquel from failing to receiving the award of "Most Improved Student" in her school (she now stays on the A-B Honor Roll).
Give your kid's teacher a hug today - tell them how much you appreciate what they do for your child.
Until next time . . .
Stephanie
Before school started last fall Randy and I met with Charlie's teacher and principal to explain his background and to solicit their help and understanding in guiding Charlie through this first year at a new school. The first few months were a little rocky, but he is now doing very well and we seldom hear of a problem with his behavior.
While we hoped that Charlie could learn to behave in a manner that was respectful to both teachers and the other kids, we are simply astounded at his progress. At one planning meeting with his teacher and the Behavior Specialist, his teacher got tears in her eyes as she expressed her care and concern for Charlie.
At this school when there is a problem with behavior, the child is sent to the Behavior Specialist's room where she and her aides work with the child to help them understand why their behavior was wrong and how to make better choices in the future. Their love for Charlie and the other kids can be felt the minute you open the door to that room. The first few months of school, Charlie visited this room often and he is very proud of the fact that he hasn't had to go to STARS (as they call it) for quite some time.
Unfortunately, this program will probably be cut with the budget shortfalls. We are SO thankful that Charlie had the benefit of this program. It goes a lot further when other adults are telling him the same things that we are trying to teach him at home.
A couple weeks ago while picking up Chip and Annie at their school on a Friday afternoon, Chip's Kindergarten teacher asked me to please help Chip learn rhyming words. After visiting with her I realized I had no idea how important it was for a child to learn rhyming words. When I tried to explain to Mr. Thornton how to help Chip, it was quite apparent that the concept was way over his head, and the teacher knew that as well.
When Charlie came to live with us a year ago he had gone through so much trauma that I did not think it was wise to put him in a new school at this time of year and add trauma on top of trauma. I hoped I could figure out enough of his school work to help him through the end of the year, hopefully catching him up to where he should be. I quickly learned that it was very hard work to home school. I spent hours searching for appropriate lesson plans, only to discover how little I knew about learning theories, teaching strategies and methodology. I prayed that Charlie would be ready emotionally to go to school in the fall. I knew that I would not be able to give him what trained teachers could.
My day "begins" when Charlie gets home from school. With his ADHD he requires lots of supervision with homework, and I hope that he will get better at it before he gets into grades where it is harder for me to help him.
As in any profession, there are those who are better at what they do. We are so fortunate to have the best teachers for Charlie, a teacher for Chip who cares enough to ask for our help and teachers who volunteer to stay after school to tutor Annie - and even give her a ride home! And all the teachers who took Marquel from failing to receiving the award of "Most Improved Student" in her school (she now stays on the A-B Honor Roll).
Give your kid's teacher a hug today - tell them how much you appreciate what they do for your child.
Until next time . . .
Stephanie
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Time Flies By . . .
Thank you to all who helped provide a very nice Christmas for the kids.
It is already the end of the semester at school.
Chip is doing better in Kindergarten. He has the same teacher that Charlie had, and she loves Chip. He is learning to follow rules and is realizing that being good at school gets him rewards.
Charlie is doing better than we expected this year. His teachers are working really hard for him. The lowest grade on his report card was an 87. He is doing his homework without throwing a temper tantrum. Each Friday in assembly students receive awards for having the best week in their class. This week Charlie got the award!!!
Annie is doing better, and her grades are improving. We think an issue with some bullying in her class was affecting her grades. Now that we have resolved that, she seems much more relaxed. She is on the honor roll for the semester.
Marquel keeps her grades up, and is now on the volleyball team. We don't see much of her now. At 13 she prefers to spend weekends with her friends. We miss her, and we hope she is making wise decisions.
We have to remind ourselves that as the kids get older, they will begin making their own choices. We hope that we have been able to provide them with a good foundation. We try to keep in mind that 5 days a week they live in a very different world than we do, and it is probably difficult for them to switch gears for 2 days a week to live in our world.
The simple fact that these kids have the opportunity to go to school, have a bed to sleep in, and enough food and clothes, is a far cry from where they could be. Mr. Thornton told me again yesterday how he first found these kids, visiting their mom in the projects where she had an apartment with a box spring mattress on the floor, an old coat as a blanket, and the kids running around with little or no clothes. Marquel would have been about 5 years old when he took them in, certainly old enough to remember these conditions.
Because Mr. Thornton loves these kids so much that he is willing to do his best to raise them, and because all of you care enough to help him do that, these kids have a chance "not only to survive, but to thrive" in the words of our very wise Pastor Schulte.
Until next time . . .
Stephanie
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