Happy Thanksgiving!

At this time of year we want to let you all know how much we appreciate everything you do for "our kids".  This is a mission that we feel was "assigned" to us and many others.  We could not do what we do without all of you.  We have been blessed not only by the kids and their progress but by getting to know so many wonderful people along the way.

Last weekend Marquel was invited to a party hosted by several of the girls in her 6th grade Sunday School class.  One of the mom's asked me if it would be ok, and said her girls were really enjoying getting to know Marquel.  I was so thrilled it brought tears to my eyes. 

This event brought to mind several challenges that the kids face.  With their mother in the Projects of New Orleans, time was of no real meaning.  They ate when there was food and slept wherever they happened to be.  Even though their Father was more middle class for New Orleans, time is still an issue.  A few weeks ago I told him I would pick the kids up around 7:00pm.  I arrived at their house at 7:05 and their car was gone.  About 10 minutes later they pulled up with a gallon of milk.  Since the grocery store is only 2 blocks away, I knew they had left around the time I told them I would be there.  The one clock in their house is usually not on the correct time, something we find quite unsettling for our lifestyle.  We have learned to always call him when we are on our way! 

The kids have finally figured out that breakfast is in the morning, lunch is in the middle of the day, and supper (or to confuse things more "dinner") is in the evening.  Leaning to tell time has taken several years for Marquel to master, and she has become our daily "planner". 

Parties with friends might be expected with most girls, but for Marquel it truely was a monumental event. She thoroughly enjoyed herself and we are so thankful that she was included in the fun.

Marquel's party was to be from 5:00pm to 9:00pm.  Her first concern was what time we had to leave our house in order for her to be there at exactly 5:00.  Then we complicated things further for her by saying we would take the other kids to family movie night at church and that movie did not start until 7:00pm.  We finally had to assure her that we would get her there on time and pick her up at 9:00, no earlier and no later. 

For all she has been through, Marquel seems to be comfortable and confident with herself.  We are so thankful to her friends who invited her to join their fun.

Another issue quickly came to light as Annie wondered how she would manage for a few hours without Marquel.   Annie feels rather insecure when Marquel is not close by.  At our house their bunk beds are head to head, but at their house they sleep together in the same bed.  If Annie is at our house by herself she quickly becomes bored.  When Marquel talks about going to a different school for high school or college, we can sense Annie's anxiety.

We know that as they experience these situations they will become more comfortable with them.   These little lessons are harder to learn than for most kids who grow up with schedules and a feeling of security.

As I looked for a recent picture of Marquel, I ran across pictures of her when we first met them.  How little she was and how tall she is getting!

Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you!

Randy, Stephanie, Marquel, Annie, Charlie and Chip

Poverty & Welfare - Myths, Misconceptions and Facts

With Thanksgiving approaching, I began thinking of the big meal and fun day we were planning with friends.  How much we have to be thankful for!

I recently had the opportunity to listen to two ladies discuss their opinions on poverty.  One lady worked for Family Services for years and understood the challenges and issues of people living in poverty.  The other lady was quite judgmental and had some very disparaging remarks.  It was an enlightening experience.

Over the past few years we have learned more than we ever thought we would need to know about "welfare".  We had a lot of misconceptions. 

One of the biggest lessons we have learned is that we must be able to put ourselves in someone else's shoes in order to help them.  This is not an easy thing to do.

When Mr. Thornton agreed to take on the responsbility of his wife's 4 children, we knew he needed help with expenses.  Our system is sometimes very unfair.  Mr. Thornton receives a small Social Security check and also Social Security Disability due to a very serious injury.  His disability check is $125 a month, certainly not something he can live on.  And, it denies him the right to have a job.  He is not a lazy person, and he would much rather be working if he could.  

Since he had never applied for any kind of assistance, we took him to the "Welfare" office to apply for food stamps.  What a humbling experience that was (and continues to be).  Finding where to go was our first challenge, then we filled out pages and pages of forms in triplicate, then we waited - and waited - and waited.  When we ask how much longer we need to wait, the girl behind the desk looks over her glasses and gives us a curt reply.  This trip takes most of a day, and then we must wait up to 30 days for an approval letter. 

In Texas the maximum amount alloted on food stamps is about $125 per person.  Could you feed your family on that?  Would you be able to purchase the most nutritious food?  Thankfully Mr. Thornton knows how to cook beans, rice, and other nutrious foods that go a long way.  Many people do not know how to do this.

Food stamps are for food items only.  You cannot purchase other necessities.  There is no monthly cash payment.  If you apply for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), this federally funded program allows a one time cash payment of $1,000 (or it can be spread over 6 monthly payments). 

If a family's total income is low enough (we have not been able to asertain the exact amount, but it is somewhere around $5,000 yearly income), the family can receive Medicaid.  This is a state run health insurance program.

Applications for food stamps and Medicaid must be completed every six months for on-going assistance.

According to the San Antonio Food Bank many people who qualify for food stamps do not apply.  I encourage you to take their Hunger 101 exercise and get just a tiny taste of what it takes to get assistance.  This is not for the meek and mild!

As I was working on this blog last night, PBS had a special on Hunger in America.  One of their guests was the director of the San Antonio Food Bank.  They have seen a marked increase in applications for assistance due to the economy.  They have also experienced a drop in donations, as they rely mostly on private food drives.  He stated that previous donors are now asking for assistance.  Hunger is at an all time high in America. 

The last time you had the opportunity to participate in a food drive did you contribute?  Did you dig to the back of your pantry for the oldest can of food or the box that was a year out of date?

Many of those who qualify for Medicaid do not use it.  This is a result of generational lifestyles.  If you had never gone to the doctor or dentist as a child, would you understand the importance of taking your own children?  It is a very cumbersome system, and one which Mr. Thornton would not be able to navigate on his own.

We are extremely thankful that "our kids" qualify for Medicaid.  We make sure they get their yearly checkups and dentist appointments.  They are learning what they will need to do for their own children someday, and in the process breaking the cycle of poor health.  Medicaid covers mental health issues, and we would be in big trouble without the counselors and doctors who treat the Post Traumatic Stress, issues of abuse and neglect, and ADHD symptoms.

Are there some who abuse the system?  Of course.  There are those who will find a way.  But the next time we are tempted to be critical of those who receive "welfare", we need to be sure that we really understand the issues.  And we need to ask ourselves, what are we personally doing to make the situation better for future generations?

Until next time. . .
Stephanie

Catching Up!

The first 9 weeks of school were very successful for the kids. Marquel had only one C in Social Studies, but we think that is more due to reading comprehension. Annie struggles a little with Math, but she has a Math tutor. Charlie got all A's and B's and comes home almost every day with E for Excellent behavior - amazing! Chip is getting used to going to school and Pre-K has been good for him. He is speaking more clearly and his social skills have improved.

Charlie got a ribbon for AB Honor Roll and all except Annie got ribbons for Good Citizenship. Annie's teacher this year is more no-nonsense, which is good, but it has been a learning curve for Annie! She had an "Awesome" for last week's behavior, so she is improving.

Halloween was great fun for the kids, and they got lots of it. Marquel is 12, but not willing to give up a costume and candy! They had Fall Festival party at church, Halloween party at our neighbors house, and Trick-or-Treating on Halloween with our friend Teresa. We don't mind spending a little on costumes because they get lots of use and lots of memories for these kids who had so little.


We decided the kids had progressed enough that we could try taking them to Sunday School with them on a regular basis. Marquel is in a class with just 6th graders and an awesome couple who leads the class. She is really enjoying the class and has made some great new friends. They have invited her to a party, and she is SOOOO excited!

This year has gone by so fast and Christmas will be here soon. If you would like to sponsor one of the kids for Christmas, please let me know. They don't ask for much, but they do have a few needs and wants.

Until next time . . .
Stephanie

Hermann Sons Humanitarian Award

Last Friday we were invited to attend a meeting of the Hermann Sons of Boerne. They are a non-profit insurance group in Texas that sponsor summer camps for kids and retirement homes. Each year they honor a Humanitarian of the Year to someone from their community.

Randy and I were extremely honored and very humbled to receive this award. We want each and every one of you to know that we share it with you, because without you we could not do what we do.

Thank you!
Randy and Stephanie

Our Chuckle for the Week

After a week of cloudy weather, drizzle and rain, the sun is a cheerful welcome today! It is hard to complain about the rain after a summer of record draught, and it is nice to see some green grass again.

It has been a long, frustrating week. Chip has suffered from sinus infections since he was an infant. Last weekend he spiked a 101.5 degree temperature and we decided something must be done.

We have learned that there is a big mistrust of medical professionals, and home remedies based on old wives tales are often employed. So we made the appointment and took Chip to the doctor. Clinics in that part of town operate entirely on their own time frame with no regard to the patient's schedule, so it is usually a very long wait. Finally, armed with several prescriptions and specific directions, it was time to attempt explain them to his father who has many other things on his mind.

Then it was an emergency trip to take Annie to the Orthodontist because she had run into a door and knocked a couple of braces off. We still can't quite figure out how that happened!

Marquel has been in a 6th grade class of all girls so far this year. Evidently the boys and girls classes have gotten large enough that they are adding a 3rd class. So Marquel volunteered to go to the new class. Her father was quite upset, he was sure that she wanted to do this so she could be near the boys! It took some talking to calm him down and remind him that there is no keeping her away from the boys.

Tomorrow a friend who is attending college is taking Marquel to show her around her campus. Marquel is learning the basics of Basketball and Volleyball this year in a sports elective, and she is quite good. We found a basketball hoop for her and she practices every weekend. All of them love it, even Chip who will work for hours trying to get the ball into the hoop!

Over the last few months we have been working with the kids to learn to use proper English. They have lots of little sayings and terminology that we understand only because we have gotten used to it. One of those little sayings is "Cut it up" which means "turn it up" and "cutting up" means acting badly.

This morning Randy called his Chiropractor to make an appointment to take care of a pinched nerve that is causing his hand to go numb. I heard him say "My shoulder has been cutting up on me".

We had a good laugh and Randy said "Well, if you can't beat them, join them!"

Until next time - -

Stephanie

Parenting the Child of Trauma, Abuse and Neglect

Over the past few months we have done some reading and research about kids who have experienced abuse and neglect. We can understand how children in orphanages around the world who are tied to a bed with little care and human contact can have long lasting problems, but what is not so obvious is the same type of neglect from an alcoholic mother.

"Our kids" are very fortunate to be quite smart, however they do exhibit some of the physical characteristics of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. What is more hidden is the psychological effects.

This type of abuse and neglect leads to a host of problems for the child and there are a couple that I would like to talk about here.

1) They learn very early that adults are not to be trusted to take care of them, therefore they must be in control of everything around them otherwise something horrible might happen to them.

2) Their little lives are so miserable that this becomes "normal" for them, a they will revert to this feeling to feel comfortable in a given situation.

What does that mean for "our kids"? In order to begin to heal the wounds, we must throw out all we thought we knew about parenting. Techniques for parenting these kids are in some ways opposite to what you might do for "normal" kids.

We have learned that we have to limit their activities in certain areas until they mature and learn how to act. If they are not able to handle a certain situation they will do what they know best; be disruptive, hyperactive or insolent.

It will take time for them to learn how to act or react and if we expect changes in their behavior too soon, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Allowing them to be in situations that they are not prepared for is only setting them up for failure and ourselves for frustration.

Now that we are in our "back to school schedule" we only have the kids on weekends. These new parenting techniques are time consuming and exhausting. They may seem rather harsh to others who do not understand. But then there are the rewards.

Last weekend Charlie spent an hour on my lap while he struggled to get over his bad attitude. During that hour he told me over and over how much he hated me. Then he spent another hour sitting at the table until he finally gave in. Later in the day he was looking at the calendar wanting to know what date it was. When he discovered that it was Saturday he said "Yea! That means another whole day here!" I wanted to cry!

We hope that by sharing some of the struggles along with the achievements of "our kids" that those around us who care so much for these kids will understand when they don't act in the way that "normal" kids act.

We ask for your patience with them and with us as we learn how to help them best.

Until next time . . .

Stephanie

New Shoes for School

You may have seen the commercials for Tom's Shoes, a shoe store that donates a new pair of shoes to charity for every pair it sells. After delivering shoes to other countries, in 2008 they began donating shoes within the United States. In their words:


“The domestic need is very different from the need in international places TOMS gives shoes,” explains Programs Manager Ana Maria. “In the states, kids may be wearing shoes that are too big or small, worn out beyond repair or shared, and we want to bring awareness to that. Every child should have a pair of comfortable shoes to call their own.”


My parents struggled to keep 4 kids in shoes, insisting that we had good fitting, comfortable shoes that were not hand-me-downs. As a grown up I can appreciate their efforts.


Each year before school starts we make sure "our kids" have new, comfortable and good fitting shoes. They get to pick out the style they like (cost within reason!)

Since they wear uniforms to school, it gives them a sense that school is special when they can walk in on the first day with new shoes and a new backpack.

Thanks to all who have helped with donations to the fund for school clothes and supplies. You don't know the psychological difference you make for 4 little kids who have a little lighter step on the first day of school!

Until next time . . .
Stephanie