A New Do. . .

Randy's sister, "Miss Debbie" came to visit for about 10 days.  The kids love Miss Debbie and she is fun to have around.  We are looking forward to the day when she and her husband bring their RV down for the winter.

While Deb was here she took Marquel to get a new hairdo at a real salon.  We happened to find the perfect place and she was pleased with the results.    Every woman feels better when they feel like their hair looks good, and it is time for Marquel to start learning how to do her own styling.

Annie and Marquel went to Camp Chrysalis on Sunday.   In the car the girls were talking about swimming at camp and that they would have to take a swim test if they wanted to go in the deep water.

When the kids talk among themselves and get excited the New Orleans accent takes over.  We have to laugh to ourselves as we listen to them.  As the girls talked about swimming at camp, Marquel said, "I told that lifeguard guy my mom told me not to be going in the deep water."  She was giggling as she continued, "That night I payed 'Dear Lord, I'm sorry, I had to do it'."

I had to turn my head so she wouldn't see me laughing.   We love to hear Marquel giggle and the little insight into her thoughts was enlightening.


A few months ago we were forced to find a new counselor for Marquel.  As she becomes a teenager, we feel we are in a race against time to help her work through the multitude of issues she faces.  Her new counselor suggested that because Marquel doesn't like long conversations, we use "bullet points" to get ideas across and to listen closely for little tidbits of information that will tell us how she is feeling or what she is thinking.  This was a "tidbit".

Marquel's new counselor has been awesome and since she does not take Medicaid, we appreciate the continued financial support we receive from so many of you.  We feel this precious girl needs every opportunity she can get to have a happy and productive life.

We continue to learn and realize how much we have yet to learn about how to help these kids through their layers of abuse, neglect and trauma.  At times it is very frustrating and we wonder if we are doing the right things.  Then we are rewarded with a hug from Annie or a genuine giggle from Marquel.  We sometimes wonder "why us" and then we say "thank you for these precious kids".

Thank you to all for your continued support.

Until next time . . .
Stephanie

May Birthdays and School Awards

May has been a very busy month.  Annie turned 11 on May 4th

 and Marquel turned 13 on May 19th.















There are only two weeks of school left and the girls are ready for summer vacation.



Last night the school had an award ceremony and they were insistent that Marquel should be there.  The awards were sponsored by the San Antonio Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority.  They gave 5 awards for Most Improved Academic Skills, Most Improved Attendance, Best Citizenship, Perfect Attendance and Most Outstanding Student.

Marquel received the award for Most Improved Academic Skills!

What a remarkable achievement for a little girl who did not attend school before she came to San Antonio courtesy of Hurricane Katrina.  Her first school year in San Antonio was hit and miss as her mother did not appreciate education.  Repeating 3rd grade was a struggle.  In order to do a math problem we had to go back to 1st grade math and work up so that she could do each problem.  Weekends were spent doing Math and Math and more Math.

(Randy apologizes for the poor quality picture.  

We did not know about this until 3pm on Friday 

so he took the picture with his phone.) 

Thanks to great teachers, wonderful friends and her own desire to learn, she made it through.  I'll never forget walking into her school when the results were in for her 5th grade Math test.  Her teacher was beaming as she told me that Marquel had some good news for me.

I don't know that Marquel really understands what you all have done for her, but I want you all to know that your love and support have helped bring her from failing 3rd grade to the AB Honor Roll and awards such as Most Improved (we think she probably qualified for Perfect Attendance as well!).
 
People tell us what a wonderful thing we are doing, but we want you all to know that we could not do this without each and every one of you.  Everyone has their own talents to give;  time, money, or love and support, each of which helps us help them.


Until next time . . .

Stephanie & Randy & kids

Summer Planning

Only two months of school left! This year Annie has struggled with Math. We have worked on math every weekend and her teacher has given her extra tutoring after school, even driving her home! Now that is really going the extra mile.

Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer that Annie will pass her Math TAKS test the last week of April. She needs to pass this test in order to go to 5th grade next fall.

With summer approaching we are making plans already. Annie and Marquel will go to Camp Chrysalis again. They will be going on scholarship, for which we are really grateful. It is the highlight of their summer and they sing the songs and tell the stories they heard all year long. This experience with other Christian kids and counselors is invaluable to them.

Charlie will be spending a week or two with Randy’s sister, Miss Debbie. He is not yet mature enough to go to Camp Chrysalis.

Last summer we signed all four of the kids up for swimming lessons. They love to be in the water, and we felt they should at least know the basics of swimming. It was a huge hit. Annie has decided she wants to be on the Olympic team some day. They would all like to learn more about swimming this summer.

Charlie would like to be on a sport team. The next registration will be for football. It would be an excellent experience for him to learn a sport along with good sportsmanship and social skills.

The cost of swimming lessons is $50 per child. Football registration costs $170 for regular or $100 for flag, plus the cost of shoes and the transportation to games.

If you would like to sponsor or help sponsor one of the kids sports, please let me know. You may make a tax deductible donation to the Thornton Family Fund (click on the link and scroll down to Cash Donations to St. John Lutheran Church).

As always, your continued support is so very much appreciated!

Until next time. . .
Stephanie

A Boy and his Balloons

Charlie has been with us 6 weeks now. He seems to be settling into his new routine.

With fewer pouting episodes we are getting more school work done. We spend a lot of time on reading, reading comprehension and spelling, things he had fallen behind on.

I picture a little boy holding on tightly to a big bunch of helium filled balloons. He is desperately trying to keep control of these balloons, as they represent all the different aspects of his life.

He has given in to the constant struggle over eating. He now eats three meals a day with no fuss – he even offered to eat green beans today! We have started a chart to keep track of his weight, he gained 2 pounds last week. He is drinking more water and we can tell he feels much better. A balloon is let go.

He doesn’t make a fuss over bedtime. Now he wants to get his shower done so he can get to bed and listen to a chapter of “Pinocchio’s Quest”. Another battle we don’t have to fight and another balloon released.

We play a little game to go to sleep. He has to close his eyes (and his mouth!) and pretend that he is on a cloud. The cloud is soft and warm and helps him feel safe so he can go to sleep. Now he is asleep in minutes, he doesn’t get up numerous times to make sure we haven’t gone off and left him alone. Another balloon released.

The first few weeks he was easily bored and didn’t know what to do without his brother and sister to play with. Now we enjoy watching him play and entertain himself which is good for his imagination and his self confidence. He can easily spend an hour or even two outside playing without coming to check on us every few minutes. Two balloons released.

Letting me be in control of school time has been a big challenge. When he can’t do it his way in his time, he gets very upset. Slowly he has let go of more balloons and school time goes much easier for both of us.

When he feels like he is losing control he fights hard to keep it. During these times his “punishment” is to sit on my lap. While he kicks and struggles, he never struggles to get away. When he gives in, the “good attitude spider” tickles him until he can’t help but get the good attitude back. Then we often sit and talk. He is learning to verbalize about his thoughts and feelings, each time releasing more balloons as he unburdens himself of bad memories or worries. These can be very enlightening moments. More balloons released.

The balloons have to be released when he is ready and willing.  Only then can he really let go of the burden he is carrying.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers and encouraging emails. We appreciate it more than you know and we love to hear from you.

Until next time . . .

Stephanie

Week #2 & 3 with Charlie

Week #2 of Charlie living with us was also Spring Break for the other kids. Since Randy had to be out of town a couple of days and I had to work, we decided to let Charlie spend some time at his father's house so he could play with his sisters and brother. We wondered if this would be beneficial to him, or a setback in his behavior.

Thursday morning I had to go take Chip and Charlie to their dentist appointment. Mr. Thornton was anxious to go do something with his friends and when I offered to take all the kids home with me, he jumped at the chance.

When we made this decision we knew that there were the other kids to think about. How would they feel about Charlie living with us and how would they react. Marquel seemed quite happy to have this burden off her shoulders. She had been held responsible for keeping Charlie under control, which of course she could not do. Annie was quite jealous and said she was bored at home. This did not surprise me, but I hoped that it would give Annie a chance to mature also. Annie is very dependent on Marquel as a mom and Charlie as a “partner in crime” when the hyperactivity takes over.

Thursday on the way home we stopped at our school in Bulverde to register Charlie for the fall, as it was the last day for registration. All the kids sat quietly in the office as we completed the paper work. A lady breezed into the office and on her way out she said, “I guess these are new students”. Her tone was not particularly friendly or welcoming, and she did not wait for a response as she exited the office.

Charlie enjoyed the weekend playing with his sisters and brother. There was no fussing when we took the others home on Sunday night. We wondered what the next week would bring.

Week #3
Monday Charlie cheerfully ate his breakfast and got busy with his school work. He was happy and cooperative. I had this week off from work, so it was nice to be able to spend the whole day with him. In the afternoon he helped Randy fix the tail light on the jeep and he was thrilled. It was a good day and I dared to think that this could continue.

The rest of the week did not go as well. When Charlie got frustrated because he had to do his school work my way and not his, he would throw his pencil and pout. I moved anything in his reach out of the way and let him sit and “think” until he got his good attitude back. It was an opportunity for me to get some house cleaning done!

At times he needed to curl up on my lap for a while. Then the “good attitude spider” comes out to tickle him until he gets his smile back. At one point he made plans on what he wanted to play with Annie the coming weekend, “If I don’t have to spend time sitting at the table.” I reminded him that he was the one in charge of acting right so he didn’t have to spend time “thinking”.

Bedtime is hard. His medication has worn off and hyperactivity has returned. He doesn’t want to go to sleep. He is convinced he doesn’t sleep at all most nights, and he doesn’t want to be alone. We have set up a very strict routine for bath time and bed time. He tries lots of different delay tactics, but he really doesn’t fuss too much about going to bed. We have a special Biblically based edition of Pinocchio, and we can read a chapter each night if he gets into bed on time. He really enjoys this time. Then we play a little game where he closes his eyes and imagines himself floating on a cloud and falling asleep. Within minutes he is sleeping.

Sunday night when we took the other kids home, Charlie wanted to stay and play. For the first time there were a few tears as we got into the car to leave their house. I got into the back seat and held him as we talked about why he was living with us. We don’t have to say a lot, he is smart enough to read between the lines and figure it out. In a few minutes he was fine and called his Father to tell him he wasn’t crying any more.

In some ways this was much harder than I expected, and yet in many ways he was doing better than I anticipated he would.  We wondered how long it would take for him to settle into this new routine.

Until next time . . .
Stephanie

Link to "Pinocchio's Quest" book on amazon.com 

Charlie Comes To Live With Us - Week #1

For several months Charlie had been begging to come live with us.  On several occasions as I was tucking him into bed at his house, big tears would roll down his cheeks.  "Please can I come home with you, please?" 

Over the last month we had become increasingly worried about Charlie.  As much as Turk loves these kids, it is exhausting to keep up with four kids who have special emotional needs.  When we get tired and frustrated we say and do things we don't mean.  We could see it wearing on everyone in the house, and we suggested several times that Charlie come live with us as he was the major cause of the stress.

We knew that homework had been completely neglected.  With his ADHD and lack of maturity, he was unable to do it on his own and there was too much going on in the house for his father to help him with it.  He was falling behind in spelling and reading, no longer on the AB honor roll.

Friday, March 6th, the school called Randy about Charlie's behavior.  It had become increasingly worse over that week, and the normally very patient teacher had reached her limit.  Randy went to the school to get Charlie and took him to McDonald's.  As Charlie wolfed down his chicken sandwich he talked to Randy about his frustrations.  It was the first time he had been able to verbalize why he was so unhappy. 

Some wonderful friends had arranged a Will for Turk which included a Power of Attorney in the event that he could no longer take care of the kids, we could take over.  With the legal work in place, we decided it was time to step in on Charlie's behalf.  Turk didn't argue with us, which confirmed our suspicion that he was at his wits end.

Charlie came to our house that Friday knowing that he would be staying here.  Saturday morning I was sitting at my desk when he got up.  He came into the office and said "Miss Stephanie, am I being a good son so far?" 

By Sunday afternoon it was evident that reality was setting in.  When Randy asked him to wash his hands for lunch, he curled up in a corner pouting.  I took him into the bedroom away from the other kids.  I held him and talked to him.  For an hour and a half he kicked and screamed, "Leave me alone!"  Each time my answer was "I will never leave you alone."

Finally I said, "If I leave you alone who is going to take care of you?"

"Nobody" he screamed.

"Well, when you can show me that Mr. Nobody has a place for you to live, a bed for you to sleep in, food for you to eat and clothes for you to wear, then I will consider letting you live with Mr. Nobody."  This seemed to take a little steam out of his sails!

With both of us exhausted, he finally calmed down. 

The following week was harder than I anticipated.  I had decided to finish the year with home school in order to give him a chance to adjust.  Our hope is that he will have time to mature enough to be ready for 3rd grade in the fall.  He and I spent much of that first week sitting in the rocking chair until he could find a good attitude and we could do a little school work.  There were times when I wondered if we had made the right decision.

Finally, Friday came and he went with Randy to pick up the kids from school.  He proudly showed his teacher the 100 he had earned on his spelling test.  He enjoyed his sisters and brothers all weekend, which helped his overall mood.

We had made it through one week - stayed tuned for week #2!

Until next time ~

Stephanie

Long Overdue Update!

2010 has been a hectic year so far! 

January 15th was Charlie's 8th birthday.  His father had a party for him at their house. 

Birthdays always remind us of the first time we met the kids.  Charlie was 3 years old and so traumatized he was unable to talk.  He ran and ran and ran, seemingly trying to run off his trauma.  As the days progressed he found his voice, but it was in the form of argueing with his sister, along with kicking and hitting. 

Over the last 5 years we have begun to peel back the layers.  The trauma of the hurricane was only the top layer.  The traumas of abuse, neglect and abandonment by his mom are the bigger and deeper problems for Charlie.

We can look back and see how far he has come, and yet realize how far he has to go.  He will likely spend the rest of his life learning to overcome and cope.  He is amazingly smart, sometimes much older than his 8 years, and sometimes more like a toddler.  Every week we take the kids to counseling, a long trip and hours of time, but we feel we must do everything we can to help them. 

February 4th was a big day for Chip.  After 4 years of constant sinus infections we finally talked his doctor into a referral to a ENT specialist and he finally had his tonsils and adenoids removed.  Randy dropped Chip and I off at the hospital at 6:30 that morning, then went to get Turk and get the other kids off to school.  As we waited, Chip asked me several times, "Can we go home now?"  He entertained the other kids and parents waiting their turn by singing and dancing in his little hospital gown.

The doctor advised keeping Chip inside for at least a week, so he came home with us following his surgery.  He was a very good little patient.  He refused jello, ice cream and popsicles, wanting soft toast and cereal instead.  After a couple of days of refusing to eat or drink, we coaxed him with dimes for his cup.  Finally the threat of having to go back to the hospital if he did not drink some water did the trick.  We hope the sinus infections are a thing of the past, and we are sure he will feel better than he ever has.

A while back we tried a new gimic to encourage the kids with good grammer and manners by giving them a dime for their cup.  At the end of the month they can spend what they have earned.  Having money to spend is a big deal to the kids, so this gives them the opportunity to earn it while we try to help them learn good habits.  Each time they add a dime to their cup they have to recount how many they have.  Even if they have only a dollar or two at the end of the month, they have fun picking out some little toy at the dollar store.

With achievement test time approaching, we are spending every weekend with Annie working on Math.  Annie loves to read and learn, but somewhere there is a disconnect with Math problems, and it is now our challenge to figure out how to help her learn.  I'm not sure what we can do that her 2 math tutors at school can't do, but we keep working on it!

Marquel's counselor transferred to another position, so we have been forced to make the decision of finding a good counselor for her or give up on counseling.  Not willing to give up, we think we have found a great new counselor, but it will be self pay.  Do we give her the best we can, or search for another counselor who accepts Medicaid?  We chose to give her the best we could.  At the age of 12, we feel we are running out of time to make a big difference for her in her ability to cope with her disrupted life.  A new counselor will mean another trip into town and hours on the road, but how much is this precious girl worth? 

Once again we are so thankful for all of you willing to give us financial support for the kids and what they need.  We have been given a mission and to do less than we are able is just not acceptable.  If you want to know how you can help with a tax-deductible donation, click here.

Until next time. . .
Stephanie