Hard Lessons and Sweet Rewards

Occasionally there is a really big Red-Letter kind of day! 

A few weeks ago Randy had business in Houston, so Randy's sister and I took advantage of the opportunity to take Charlie to NASA Space Center.  Charlie was elated to have Miss Debbie visiting, and to be able to spend the night at a hotel with a pool!  And oh yes, Miss Debbie took him to a real live baseball game because her favorite team, the Cardinals was playing.

The Space Center was awesome, with games and rides and tours and movies and a museum.  Some of the games utilized little Nerf type balls and they were scattered around outside some of the game areas.  Charlie picked one up and carried it around for a while - but I did not realize until we got home that it came home with us. 

I was tempted to think "it is just a little ball", but it was not right for him to take it, after all.  So we sat down and Charlie wrote a letter apologizing for taking the ball and we mailed it back (oh yes, the postage had to come out of his little cup of change that he earns for doing chores).

A week or so later Charlie got a letter from the Space Center thanking him for returning the ball.  It was very nice that they took the time to thank him for doing the right thing.  I hoped Charlie got the message.

Today there was a package in the mailbox addressed to "Charles and Family".  Inside was a very nice letter and a book.  The letter was from a David Cisco and the book he wrote titled  "Full Circle".  (Click on the book title to visit his website).  The letter commended Charlie for his honesty, admonished him to always listen to his mom, and invited him to come visit the Space Center again as his guest!

Randy pointed out that Mr. Cisco's email address was at the bottom of the letter and suggested that Charlie could email him a thank you note.  "His phone number is here too - I'm going to call him!"  and Charlie was off to find the phone.  He left a nice message (he's learning!) and no more than hit the Off button on the phone than it rang.  Mr. Cisco had called him back!

We will begin reading the book tonight - - especially the story Mr. Cisco pointed out and highlighted about a similar incident when he was a young boy.  From a quick glance through the book, I think it will be a great book to read to Charlie.  It seems Mr. Cisco worked very hard to overcome adversities in his life, and maybe it will encourage Charlie to work hard as well.

Charlie will now be proud to tell his friends he has a new friend who is a real live astronaut!  Think he will remember this little lesson?

Photo:  Some of the planets Charlie and I made for science project - note the shuttle and space module!

Until next time. . .
Stephanie

Let Go and Let God . . .

It has been a while since I posted.  The last year has been difficult and it is hard to write when the mind and heart can't get together.  With the help of dear friends and family, we have been able to see more clearly, once again proving that this mission is not ours alone, but takes the love and support of many.

As we look back over the last 5 years it is easier to see in hindsight things that we did not understand at the time.  Marquel (now 14) had (and still has) a very strong loyalty to her mom.  Although her mom left her in charge of the younger kids often, Marquel wanted a relationship with her mom and vacillated between being disgusted by her mom's behavior and desperately trying to win her love and attention.

This conflict within Marquel caused her to hold me at arm's length and push me away if she felt we were too close, resisting any type of relationship.  As she pushed me further away and became more and more insolent, she resorted to accusing me of being mean and nasty to her, giving her an excuse to to make the wall between us thicker and stronger.  By the time she turned 13 we had no relationship to hold us together through her turbulent times.

Annie suffers a great deal due to the neglect and abuse from her mom.  She looks to Marquel as the mother figure, which makes it difficult for her to have a good relationship with me.  Her desire for affection is often expressed in inappropriate ways and her social skills are severely lacking.

When the kids mom took them back to New Orleans and subsequently asked us to come get them, we promised Turk we would help him in any way that we could.  Initially their household was in huge turmoil as they struggled to build a family together.  We began taking the kids to counseling in the hopes that they could come to terms with their new life and learn to live together as a happy family.  The girls seem to have bonded with Turk, and that was our goal.  Now we have to find the strength to give them space so that they can build a strong family unit.

We miss the girls a lot, they filled the house with their laughter as they played.

Randy and I have often been asked if the girls resent the fact that we "chose" Charlie to live with us.  This is not what transpired.  At a time when the girls were pushing us away, we saw Charlie floundering.  He was made the scapegoat from all sides.  His ADHD made it hard for him to control himself, and he was striking out, which caused more trouble.  Marquel, as the "mom" in the home, found herself unable to control him, and often resorted to malicious tactics.  We saw a little boy with so much potential, but at a point where he was going down the wrong path that would lead to a miserable future, and a house in chaos.  While the girls held us at arms length, Charlie was willing to let us be surrogate parents.

When we approached Turk with the idea of Charlie coming to live with us, he did not resist.  He knew that he could not deal with Charlie, and we knew that he had no understanding of the ADHD or the problems resulting from the neglect, abandonment and abuse from his mom. 

The first few months with Charlie were extremely difficult, but he did far better in school that we anticipated.  Over the past few weeks of summer vacation we have heard him laugh in a genuine way.  While he misses his siblings, he does not want to go back there to live.  He is figuring out ways to play by himself, which is good for him, and he is smart enough and has the desire to learn to live in a way that won't cause him to be in constant trouble.  He is developing a sense of humor and we have lots of laughs together.

The hardest part of letting go of the girls is the realization that we may not be allowed to see Chip as often as we see the girls manipulate this into our rejection of them.  The cultural divide has become deeper and more apparent and it breaks our heart that they will not allow us to give them so much of what the world has to offer.  We hope that we have been able to give them at least a small foundation to build on, and that as they mature, they will realize we had their best interest at heart.

As we are allowed access to the girls, I will keep you updated as time goes on, but I hope this will help you understand why it may seem a little slanted towards Charlie and his accomplishments.  Here is what we know. . .

Marquel has finished 7th grade and was on the A-B Honor Roll, received awards for her involvement in sports, and really enjoys school.  We enrolled her in the Big Brother-Big Sister program, and she now has a new friend, someone who will be impartial and hopefully be a good role model for her.

Annie really struggled in school this year, but due to restrictive Texas laws, we probably won't be able to get her any additional help. We are trying to get the school to step up and provide her with the extra help she needs. 

Chip is a smart little cookie, and as cute as can be.  We see some of the same characteristics that lead up to Charlie's ADHD diagnosis, but we hope that with maturity he will either outgrow or overcome these behavior problems.

We can see the toll that the death of Turk's son, Randy (age 26) has had on him.  He seems to have aged a lot over the past month.  Please keep him in your prayers that he will be able to stay healthy enough to take care of these kids.  Without him, they would be living on the streets of New Orleans with their mom, and then what chance would they have.

As one very wise friend said, "we can only do the best we can and then we have to let God do the rest".  Thank you Janet for the wisdom!

Until next time. . .
Stephanie

Happy-tude

Last weekend we had "church" at home with the kids.  Since they had been learning about the Beatitudes at Sunday School, we continued on that theme.

As we read and discussed, I realized how timely the subject matter was.  We are dealing with kids who have "issues" on top of  "issues" on top of trauma after trauma.  For Annie and Marquel it is the pre-teen and teen "issues" on top of the already big pile of stuff they have to deal with.

We are taking advantage of spring break to help Annie with her math, but it is a struggle.  When she gets tired or frustrated the big old pout comes out and it is hard to refocus on learning.  Then it becomes frustrating for us as we try to help.  Sometimes we try to tease her out of her "attitude" by calling her Tudy.

Later in the day Chip came to me in the office and said with a twinkle in his eye and a hopeful look on his face, "Can Annie play now - she has a Happy - Tude".

Hope you have a Happy-tude day!

Until next time . . .
Stephanie

Give Your Kids Teacher a Hug Today!

This morning I told Charlie that I would pick him up a little early from school to take him to see his doctor.  His response was, "No - don't pick me up early!"  I am so thankful that Charlie likes school so much that he doesn't want to miss any time there. 

Before school started last fall Randy and I met with Charlie's teacher and principal to explain his background and to solicit their help and understanding in guiding Charlie through this first year at a new school.  The first few months were a little rocky, but he is now doing very well and we seldom hear of a problem with his behavior.

While we hoped that Charlie could learn to behave in a manner that was respectful to both teachers and the other kids, we are simply astounded at his progress.  At one planning meeting with his teacher and the Behavior Specialist, his teacher got tears in her eyes as she expressed her care and concern for Charlie. 

At this school when there is a problem with behavior, the child is sent to the Behavior Specialist's room where she and her aides work with the child to help them understand why their behavior was wrong and how to make better choices in the future.  Their love for Charlie and the other kids can be felt the minute you open the door to that room.  The first few months of school, Charlie visited this room often and he is very proud of the fact that he hasn't had to go to STARS (as they call it) for quite some time. 

Unfortunately, this program will probably be cut with the budget shortfalls.  We are SO thankful that Charlie had the benefit of this program.  It goes a lot further when other adults are telling him the same things that we are trying to teach him at home.

A couple weeks ago while picking up Chip and Annie at their school on a Friday afternoon, Chip's Kindergarten teacher asked me to please help Chip learn rhyming words.  After visiting with her I realized I had no idea how important it was for a child to learn rhyming words.  When I tried to explain to Mr. Thornton how to help Chip, it was quite apparent that the concept was way over his head, and the teacher knew that as well.

When Charlie came to live with us a year ago he had gone through so much trauma that I did not think it was wise to put him in a new school at this time of year and add trauma on top of trauma.  I hoped I could figure out enough of his school work to help him through the end of the year, hopefully catching him up to where he should be.  I quickly learned that it was very hard work to home school.  I spent hours searching for appropriate lesson plans, only to discover how little I knew about learning theories, teaching strategies and methodology.  I prayed that Charlie would be ready emotionally to go to school in the fall.  I knew that I would not be able to give him what trained teachers could.
   
My day "begins" when Charlie gets home from school.  With his ADHD he requires lots of supervision with homework, and I hope that he will get better at it before he gets into grades where it is harder for me to help him. 

As in any profession, there are those who are better at what they do.  We are so fortunate to have the best teachers for Charlie, a teacher for Chip who cares enough to ask for our help and teachers who volunteer to stay after school to tutor Annie - and even give her a ride home!  And all the teachers who took Marquel from failing to receiving the award of "Most Improved Student" in her school (she now stays on the A-B Honor Roll).

Give your kid's teacher a hug today - tell them how much you appreciate what they do for your child.

Until next time . . .
Stephanie

Time Flies By . . .

It has been a while - please pardon the long absence.  We had a great Christmas with the kids on our annual trip to Nebraska to spend the holidays with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Bryce.  We even had a chance to visit friends and relatives.  The roads were good, but the absence of snow left the kids a little bewildered.  One night we had a little freezing rain, so the next morning the kids had great fun sledding on the slick grass.

Thank you to all who helped provide a very nice Christmas for the kids.

It is already the end of the semester at school. 

Chip is doing better in Kindergarten.  He has the same teacher that Charlie had, and she loves Chip.  He is learning to follow rules and is realizing that being good at school gets him rewards.

Charlie is doing better than we expected this year.  His teachers are working really hard for him.  The lowest grade on his report card was an 87.  He is doing his homework without throwing a temper tantrum.  Each Friday in assembly students receive awards for having the best week in their class.  This week Charlie got the award!!! 

Annie is doing better, and her grades are improving.  We think an issue with some bullying in her class was affecting her grades.  Now that we have resolved that, she seems much more relaxed.  She is on the honor roll for the semester.

Marquel keeps her grades up, and is now on the volleyball team.  We don't see much of her now.  At 13 she prefers to spend weekends with her friends.  We miss her, and we hope she is making wise decisions.

We have to remind ourselves that as the kids get older, they will begin making their own choices.  We hope that we have been able to provide them with a good foundation.  We try to keep in mind that 5 days a week they live in a very different world than we do, and it is probably difficult for them to switch gears for 2 days a week to live in our world.

The simple fact that these kids have the opportunity to go to school, have a bed to sleep in, and enough food and clothes, is a far cry from where they could be.  Mr. Thornton told me again yesterday how he first found these kids, visiting their mom in the projects where she had an apartment with a box spring mattress on the floor, an old coat as a blanket, and the kids running around with little or no clothes.  Marquel would have been about 5 years old when he took them in, certainly old enough to remember these conditions. 

Because Mr. Thornton loves these kids so much that he is willing to do his best to raise them, and because all of you care enough to help him do that, these kids have a chance "not only to survive, but to thrive" in the words of our very wise Pastor Schulte.

Until next time . . .
Stephanie

Merry Christmas to all!

One Christmas night so long ago,

A star shown down so all would know ~
That in a manger on that night,

A Savior was born,

Our guiding light.

Another year has passed, too quickly for us adults, but not fast enough for kids who look forward to the excitement of Christmas.

We  want to take this time to thank you for all you do for the Thornton family.  You help provide them with a home to live in, clothes to wear, books to read and even a few toys to play with.  We think often of where they would be if it wasn’t for all the people who love them and care for them. 

Because of your example they are  learning to be bright and shining lights to those around them as well.

We send our wishes for a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family.  

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Marquel, Annie, Charlie and Chip

Mr. Thornton

Randy and Stephanie

Books - the Gift We Take for Granted

For Charlie's 3rd grade class Christmas party, the flier said "bring a wrapped book, new or used, to exchange with your classmates".  What an awesome idea, I thought!

Every night I read to Charlie before he goes to sleep.  Since February, we have read quite a stack of books that he insists we pile up on the stand beside his bed, alongside the stack of books that he has lined up to read in the future.  I explained that he could pick a book that we had already read as a class gift and his response surprised me.  "But I LIKE all my books", he said emphatically with a very worried look on his face.  He then surprised me further by stating that he wanted to re-read several of the books.  This is the boy who doesn't like to watch a movie twice because he has such an amazing memory that seeing it again is too boring.

"Our kids" have been given many boxes of books over the past five years, and those who give them probably want to clean out their bookshelves, not realizing what an awesome gift they are giving.  When Charlie objected to giving away a book, it nearly brought tears to my eyes.  I saw where his mom lived in the Projects of New Orleans, I knew that books were not a part of their chaotic life.

Books - reading to our babies, toddlers and kids, reading magazines, books, newspapers, the list goes on and on - and we take it so for granted.  Can you imagine life without them?  That is the way people in poverty live.

When writing my own book, I met an "internet friend" who has written a series of books, aimed mostly at youth, and I highly recommend checking them out.  Darryl has become one of my biggest fans and supporters - please check out his website  "The Faithwalker Series".

I have had the opportunity to read two new books this last week and I would love to share them with you.  Both of them were written by people we know, which makes them more special.

At church there is a young lady, Makayla, who is so adorable.  She has beautiful dark skin, curly hair that is always arranged so cute, and the most gorgeous smile.  She stands tall and self-assured and we would notice Marquel watching her intently.  Makayla asked Marquel to help her with the Pre-Kinder kids at Vacation Bible School last summer, and while Marquel decided she definitely was not interested in teaching, she enjoyed getting to know Makayla better.

A few weeks ago Makayla gave Marquel and Annie one of the first copies of a book she had written.  In the front she inscribed it "With love to two beautiful girls".  Marquel and Annie were so thrilled, they took it home and brought it back the next weekend;  both had read it.

When I finally had time to sit down and read it, it was if the book was written for them!  Makayla is an awesome young author, and if you have a young person in your life, please consider getting this book for them.  You can find it at amazon.com - the title is "Voice of the Unborn" by Makayla Cook.  It was inspired by her own life, being adopted by loving and supportive parents.

Last spring Makayla was compelled to do something after the earthquake in Haiti.  She and her dad made a trip to volunteer at an orphanage, and they came home with a new little brother, a precocious little guy who is just adorable.  They recently made another trip to help rebuild the orphanage, and today they are stranded in Haiti as the airports have been closed due to political unrest and rioting.  Keep Makayla and her dad in your prayers for a safe return home.

The 2nd book I had the privilege or reading is quite different.  When I was getting ready to publish my own book, a lady at church offered me some very good advice.  Her husband was a retired pastor and had published a book, and she was well versed in the process.  I thoroughly enjoyed visiting with Mrs. Markwald, she was so friendly and helpful.  Last spring her husband passed away, and we became aware of his incredible life, growing up in prewar Germany and his service to his country.

Mrs. Markwald had spent many years accumulating notes as her husband would tell his memories in bits and pieces.  She finally convinced him that other people might be interested in his life story, and as she worked on the book, he would be by her side.  He did not live to see the book published, but I think he would be proud.  It is a very well written book, one that is hard to put down once you get started.  It is titled "Victory over Defeat: Memoirs of a German Soldier" by Marilyn Markwald, and I highly recommend it!

This weekend at church I couldn't wait to see Mrs. Markwald and tell her how much I enjoyed her book.  As we talked, she asked how "our kids" were doing.  I explained that it has been a very hard year.  Marquel, now 13, has had a very difficult time coming to terms with losing her mother, but we think we are making progress.  "I always keep you in my prayers", she said.  "I don't always know what specific things to ask for, but I ask for God to be with you."

I was so choked up, I couldn't respond expect to say "Thank you".  God knows the specifics.

When I was writing my book I knew it was not a great work of literature, it was simply a story that I felt needed to be told.  A stranger offered to read my book and write a review.  Her review wasn't exactly kind, and in the course of talking to her, she made the comment that her aunt was a librarian and that in her opinion, most books should never be written.  How sad for her, I thought to myself!

I hope you will consider getting these books as Christmas presents for someone special in your life.  If nothing else, do it in honor of 4 little kids who would never have had books to read or the opportunity to receive one inscribed to them personally!

Remind someone you know of the great gift of books that we take so for granted.
 
Merry Christmas!

Until next time . . .
Stephanie

From my friend, CS - she wrote:

Dear Stephanie-
I always enjoy reading your blogs but this one I especially enjoyed!
I LOVE to read and this blog brought tears to my eyes as I realized it is truly a gift I take for granted
and that there are people in the world that are not blessed with this amazing gift.
How WONDERFUL that Charlie loves his books!
Also, I am going to check out your friend's book "Victory over Defeat".
Thank you so much for sharing your blog with me.
Love,
CS

I had to share this - I love hearing from all of you!