Poverty and Education

Please pray for Marquel as she begins taking her TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) achievement tests. Her 4th grade tests will cover Reading, Language/Grammer and Math. Passing these tests is a requirement for proceeding to the next grade level.

Marquel has had a tough time in school. Randy and I were completely unaware of "Generational Poverty" and how the rules of poverty apply to children and education. What an education we have had! Let me explain:

When Marquel came to San Antonio following Hurricane Katrina, she had just started 3rd grade. The shelter quickly threw together a school for the kids, but after a week they moved to Camp Promise (where we met them), and school was interuppted again as arrangements were made for registration and transportation to the closest school district. After a month at this school, the family moved into their new home in San Antonio, and another school transfer was made. By this time, over 2 months of precious and important school time had elapsed.

With the family settled in their new home, Randy and I backed away for the most part, allowing the family to regroup and begin a new life. The girls were enrolled in school, Marquel in 3rd grade and Annie in 1st grade.

One day we stopped by their house and the kids were not in school. Asking them why, one of them said, "Mom has a headache." Looking over at Mom, she nodded her head in acknowledgement and I realized "headache" really meant "hangover".

School became more and more sporadic, and we began to realize that mom's lifestyle was paramount, and education for her children was far down on her priority list. When Randy and I learned about "Generational Poverty" we realized that there were really 2 reasons for Mom's way of thinking: 1) What Mom wants (more beer) and needs (plenty of party time) is the most important thing on her agenda for any given day; and 2) Education for her children is not important for 2 reasons: a) she cannot perceive her children to be smarter than she is, as that is a threat to her Matriarchal position, and b) there is no thought about the future or belief that an education can ultimately be a bridge out of poverty (there is no comprehension of any other way of life, so there is no point in to education. After all, Mom can function quite well in her world).

May 5, 2006, Mom took the kids back to New Orleans with her. There was no thought of checking them out of school, because there was no thought of enrolling them in school in New Orleans. A month later, when Mom allowed us to come get the girls one of Marquel's first questions as she climbed into our car was, "Am I going to go to school tomorrow?" The look of excited anticipation quickly turned to disappointment as I explained that school was over for the year.

August, 2006 - When we went to enroll the girls in school we learned that Marquel had not passed her 3rd grade TAKS tests and too many days of school had been missed the prior year. Marquel and Annie were both required to repeat 3rd grade and 1st grade, respectively.

This was a hard pill for Marquel to swallow, and it took Annie most of the school year to figure out that she wasn't in 2nd grade. As the school year progressed it became clear that Annie was doing exceptionally well, loving school and learning quickly. Marquel was having a harder time, and I spent as many hours on weekends as I could helping her study and review for her tests.

One day I said something to her about 1st and 2nd grade in New Orleans (before Katrina). "I didn't go to school in New Orleans," she said. When Charlie was elaborating about something fun he had done in Kindergarten class, Annie said wistfully, "I wish I could have gone to Kindergarten." We questioned the girls several times, but they had no memory of school in New Orleans.

Why this is, we are not sure. Did the trauma of the hurricane create memory lapses, or was it that school was not important to Mom, and therefore not important, and not even memorable to the girls? Was their life so focused on survival that school was secondary? Or was school more like a babysitting service than a focus on education?

Marquel passed her 3rd grade tests, much to our relief! She continues to work very hard, and we have made a more concentrated effort to study with her on a regular basis. Without the basics of 1st and 2nd grade, it makes 4th grade work much harder.

We are so very thankful for the Angels who have offered to tutor Marquel. Her session with Miss Margaret every Sunday is her own special time (the high school English teacher who lives across the road from us). Our friend, Teresa, comes on weekends and spends time helping her as well. The girls adores Miss Teresa, because she does all the "girly" things with them - like pretty smelling lotions and fingernail polish.

There are many more Angels: Randy's sister, Deb, who is a teacher and her friend Cec (too bad they live in Nebraska!), and everyone who gives the kids attention and encouragement. I don't think people really understand the profound effect that a few words can have to kids who look up to and adore them.

Several weeks ago we asked that you remember Marquel in your prayers as we worked with her therapist. I know the prayers were answered, as some of you have commented on how much she has blossomed in the last few weeks. She opens up to us a little more all the time, allowing us to help her work through her feelings and thoughts.

Please keep Marquel in your prayers as she takes her tests over the next few weeks. Ask that she will be able to remember what she has worked so hard to learn. We know that God has special plans for sweet, tender-hearted Marquel!

As always - thank you!

Stephanie
Learn more about Generational Poverty at http://www.ahaprocess.com/ I highly recommend "A Framework of Understanding Poverty" available in the book section. Click here for a preview used by permission.

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We are Godparents!

February 10, 2008 will be a new anniversary for us!

We accepted the position of Guardianship of "our kids" in a ceremony at Temple Missionary Baptist Church.

It was an awesome experience in many ways. Many of our friends joined us in person and in spirit as we vowed to accept this responsbility. Thank you to everyone for your support!

A former pastor had made an unexpected visit, and his message seemed heaven sent. The sermon centered on opening our hearts and minds to what is possible, and that God will give us what we need.

As we considered accepting this assignment, we knew one thing: God has worked very hard to bring these kids into our lives, and keep them here. If He has worked this hard, He must have a very special plan for them, and we must do our part in fulfilling that plan.

We hope that their Father will live a long and healthy life, but we also have to face the reality of his age and the detrimental effects that the trauma has had on his health. Seeing first hand the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress is an eye-opening experience.

We thank everyone for their prayers and best wishes. We could not do this without each and every one of you!

Stephanie

Charlie and Time Out

Poor little Charlie. He has had such a hard time learning to behave. Yesterday someone asked him how old he was and he replied "15".

Yes, 5 going on 15!

His Kindergarten teacher is amazed at how smart he is, but because he talks incessently and likes to be the class clown, he comes home every day with a Red Face. We told him that when he came home with a Green Face for behaving well, we would celebrate. Last week he got 2 green faces!!

After months of trying every form of punishment we could think of, Charlie's counselor gave us a few hints on Time Out. There had been weekends at our house when he was in Time Out more than not, but the new methods seem to be working better.

Last night I sat in the yard swing with Annie and Charlie came along with a worm to tease Annie with. I asked Charlie if that was a nice thing or a mean thing, and he agreed that it was mean. I didn't have the timer handy for Time Out, so I let him go back to his play.

About 10 minutes later, Charlie came back and handed me the timer.

"What is this for?" I asked him.

"Because I teased Annie with the worm," he replied.

"So you think you need Time Out?" I asked him.

"Yes" he said, quite seriously.

"OK then, sit on that bench" I told him as I set the timer.

He sat there quietly until the timer rang, and as I sat there continuing my conversation with Annie, I couldn't believe what had just transpired.

Prior to the new Time Out techniques, we would send Charlie to a place in the hall, where he would sit until we let him up. We did not have a set amount of time, and when he got up we would talk to him about what he had done wrong. When we asked "what did you do wrong", he would tell us. When we asked "what should you have done", he would tell us. He knew what was right, he just couldn't make himself do it. Then we would give hugs and send him off to apologize and give hugs to whomever he had offended.

The counselor suggested that we send him to Time Out without talking about what he did wrong - he knew exactly what he had done wrong. Then we set timer - one of those old fashioned kind that you can hear ticking - for 5 minutes (one minute of each year of age).

If he fusses or messes around, we say "because you are not sitting quietly, I have to start the time over", and we set the timer back to 5 minutes. When the timer rings, he knows he can get up and go again.

Now, the counselor warned us that at first he would resist the new procedures, and boy was she right! Such simple little changes threw a wrench into his plan. He knew he would no longer get the hugs and extended attention that discussing what he had done wrong would bring. For the first couple of weeks he fussed and messed around, something he had not done previously.

After a couple of weeks he adjusted to the new routine, although he occasionally finds something to play with and suffers the consequences of having the timer re-started.

We really appreciate Charlie's Kindergarten teacher. She is patiently working with him and with us as we work on Charlie's behavior. All his little life has been nothing but trauma, but with the help of his teachers and counselors, a stable home environment and the love and affection of so many people, Charlie is coming around.

A couple of weeks ago, when Charlie came home with yet another Red Face, Randy asked him what he had done.

"They were doing numbers, and I already know my numbers," Charlie said. Yes, there may be times that he is a little ahead of the other kids in his class. But, he has to learn to control himself. If he does not learn now, it will be harder to learn as he grows older.

Charlie is so smart that he will be able to do anything he sets his mind to. If he can learn self-control now, he will have a much brighter future.

Thank you, Miss Catherine, for being another Angel to Charlie!

Stephanie