Annie's 9th Birthday

This coming Sunday, May 4th will be Annie's 9th Birthday. We think back to the first few days we knew her at the shelter. Once the initial trauma wore off, she transformed from the little girl who would throw herself into our arms to a little six year old with a big smile and contagious laugh.

It is hard to believe that two years have passed since her 7th birthday, the birthday that her mom spent drunk on the driveway with her friends, and the day before mom and the kids left for New Orleans.



The picture at the right was taken at the bus station the day they left, May 5, 2006. How little they are!


Many times we have wondered what happened to the kids while they were in New Orleans, the boys for 2 weeks and the girls for a month.

Shortly after the girls returned to San Antonio, Annie began wetting the bed, she was always the last one to go to sleep, and as time went on, she would cry inconsolably at bedtime.

After much prodding, she admitted that everything was scary at night. The curtain swags "smiled" at her, the TV in the living room cast moving shadows, the cars driving down the street made shadows on the wall, the voices of the neighbors scared her, she saw faces in her room, and she diligently made sure that all blinds were closed tightly and the doors were all locked.

No amount of talking, reassuring or coaxing would convince her that she was safe. The tears still streamed down her face. She tried sleeping in her own bed on the top bunk, but soon moved down to sleep with Marquel. This did not help calm her fears.

In desperation we asked her therapist to help us out. She referred us to a Psychiatrist, who prescribed medications to help her with the anxiety. He explained that when the brain is so thoroughly traumatized, it interprets everything as being evil or scary. After several months on medication, Annie has improved greatly. While she still checks the blinds and doors, she can sleep in her own bed without crying herself to sleep.

At times Annie will get a distant stare in her eyes. If I don't hear her voice in the house, I look out the window to see her on the swing set. This seems to be her escape to quiet time by herself. Sometimes she just swings and swings, and sometimes she sings to herself as she swings. I wonder what is going through her mind.

Annie is an amazingly smart little girl. She has ability to think deeply, thinking through problems and reasoning out solutions. She is quite determined that she is going to be a doctor when she grows up, and with her straight A's, she certainly could be anything she wants to be.

Most of the time she has a big smile on her face. She has a way of "flying under the radar" when the others get in trouble for various rule infractions. She loves to sing and has built in rythm. She is our little drama queen, her enthusiasm makes us smile. She has a special sparkle in her eyes and the most contagious laugh.

In addition to the flood, the horrible sights and sounds, the evacuation and the shelters, and a mom who went off the deep end, we have no idea what further traumas Annie witnessed or was subjected to, and we may never know. When we picked up the girls in New Orleans, she and Marquel came running out as fast as their little legs would carry them. Annie threw herself into my arms and held on for dear life.

While she does not want to go live with her mom, she misses her. Or I should say, she wants her mom to be loving, caring and nurturing. While no one can ever replace her mom, I see her face light up when she sees Janet, Mary Ann, Mardi, Teresa or Mary and many other friends who show the girls special attention. Through their love as "surrogate mom's" the girls can learn how a "real mom" shows love and affection.

Randy and I cannot thank you enough for your part in nurturing "our kids".





Picture of Annie was taken
April 6, 2008 in the Peace Garden at
St. John Lutheran Church.

Superglued Forever!

"You are now superglued. No refunds, no returns". This was the judges verdict!

What a relief to Roosevelt to have full legal custody of the kids. A huge thanks to Atty. Judith Wemmert for her perfect execution, and the judge, Hon. Martha Tanner, who made the proceeding relaxed with her great sense of humor. Charlie made instant friends with the Baliff, (he wishes to remain anonymous so that no one knows he has a softer side!)

To Pastor Schulte, thank you so much for taking time from your busy schedule to attend the hearing and for your meaningful remarks showing the dedication and support that St. John Lutheran Church has made to Roosevelt and the kids.

Thank you to all who came to show their support. As we all gathered around the judges bench, it was so comforting to know that we have so much love, compassion and dedication behind us.

We want each and every one of you to know how much we appreciate every thing you do, every kind word and gesture, all the prayers and good wishes.

A special thanks to Sharon Tschirhart for always having her camera handy. Click here to watch the video (scroll down on page).

Poverty and Education

Please pray for Marquel as she begins taking her TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) achievement tests. Her 4th grade tests will cover Reading, Language/Grammer and Math. Passing these tests is a requirement for proceeding to the next grade level.

Marquel has had a tough time in school. Randy and I were completely unaware of "Generational Poverty" and how the rules of poverty apply to children and education. What an education we have had! Let me explain:

When Marquel came to San Antonio following Hurricane Katrina, she had just started 3rd grade. The shelter quickly threw together a school for the kids, but after a week they moved to Camp Promise (where we met them), and school was interuppted again as arrangements were made for registration and transportation to the closest school district. After a month at this school, the family moved into their new home in San Antonio, and another school transfer was made. By this time, over 2 months of precious and important school time had elapsed.

With the family settled in their new home, Randy and I backed away for the most part, allowing the family to regroup and begin a new life. The girls were enrolled in school, Marquel in 3rd grade and Annie in 1st grade.

One day we stopped by their house and the kids were not in school. Asking them why, one of them said, "Mom has a headache." Looking over at Mom, she nodded her head in acknowledgement and I realized "headache" really meant "hangover".

School became more and more sporadic, and we began to realize that mom's lifestyle was paramount, and education for her children was far down on her priority list. When Randy and I learned about "Generational Poverty" we realized that there were really 2 reasons for Mom's way of thinking: 1) What Mom wants (more beer) and needs (plenty of party time) is the most important thing on her agenda for any given day; and 2) Education for her children is not important for 2 reasons: a) she cannot perceive her children to be smarter than she is, as that is a threat to her Matriarchal position, and b) there is no thought about the future or belief that an education can ultimately be a bridge out of poverty (there is no comprehension of any other way of life, so there is no point in to education. After all, Mom can function quite well in her world).

May 5, 2006, Mom took the kids back to New Orleans with her. There was no thought of checking them out of school, because there was no thought of enrolling them in school in New Orleans. A month later, when Mom allowed us to come get the girls one of Marquel's first questions as she climbed into our car was, "Am I going to go to school tomorrow?" The look of excited anticipation quickly turned to disappointment as I explained that school was over for the year.

August, 2006 - When we went to enroll the girls in school we learned that Marquel had not passed her 3rd grade TAKS tests and too many days of school had been missed the prior year. Marquel and Annie were both required to repeat 3rd grade and 1st grade, respectively.

This was a hard pill for Marquel to swallow, and it took Annie most of the school year to figure out that she wasn't in 2nd grade. As the school year progressed it became clear that Annie was doing exceptionally well, loving school and learning quickly. Marquel was having a harder time, and I spent as many hours on weekends as I could helping her study and review for her tests.

One day I said something to her about 1st and 2nd grade in New Orleans (before Katrina). "I didn't go to school in New Orleans," she said. When Charlie was elaborating about something fun he had done in Kindergarten class, Annie said wistfully, "I wish I could have gone to Kindergarten." We questioned the girls several times, but they had no memory of school in New Orleans.

Why this is, we are not sure. Did the trauma of the hurricane create memory lapses, or was it that school was not important to Mom, and therefore not important, and not even memorable to the girls? Was their life so focused on survival that school was secondary? Or was school more like a babysitting service than a focus on education?

Marquel passed her 3rd grade tests, much to our relief! She continues to work very hard, and we have made a more concentrated effort to study with her on a regular basis. Without the basics of 1st and 2nd grade, it makes 4th grade work much harder.

We are so very thankful for the Angels who have offered to tutor Marquel. Her session with Miss Margaret every Sunday is her own special time (the high school English teacher who lives across the road from us). Our friend, Teresa, comes on weekends and spends time helping her as well. The girls adores Miss Teresa, because she does all the "girly" things with them - like pretty smelling lotions and fingernail polish.

There are many more Angels: Randy's sister, Deb, who is a teacher and her friend Cec (too bad they live in Nebraska!), and everyone who gives the kids attention and encouragement. I don't think people really understand the profound effect that a few words can have to kids who look up to and adore them.

Several weeks ago we asked that you remember Marquel in your prayers as we worked with her therapist. I know the prayers were answered, as some of you have commented on how much she has blossomed in the last few weeks. She opens up to us a little more all the time, allowing us to help her work through her feelings and thoughts.

Please keep Marquel in your prayers as she takes her tests over the next few weeks. Ask that she will be able to remember what she has worked so hard to learn. We know that God has special plans for sweet, tender-hearted Marquel!

As always - thank you!

Stephanie
Learn more about Generational Poverty at http://www.ahaprocess.com/ I highly recommend "A Framework of Understanding Poverty" available in the book section. Click here for a preview used by permission.

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On Politics, Poverty and Hurricane Katrina Survivors

Today my Google Alert directed me to an article in the Washington Post titled For Katrina Evacuees, A Chance to Be Heard (click on underlined to read the article).

I was interested in reading both the article, and in particular, the comments left by readers. Articles such as this tend to bring out a lot of passion in the readers.

I feel so fortunate to have met Mr. Thornton, his friends and family. By knowing him, I am able to understand the after-effects of Hurricane Katrina much more clearly.

After reading some of the above referenced comments, I have a few comments of my own:

1) Meeting so many of the Hurricane Katrina evacuees, through Mr. Thornton and while sitting at various agencies, I have come to understand that the vast majority of them want a hand-up not a hand-out. All they desire is a way to start over and survive in a new and often hostile environment.

2) For those of us who live in a very mobile society, it may be hard to comprehend the community that was New Orleans. Families lived there for generations. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and children all lived within a relatively short distance. This support system is incredibly powerful, comforting and supportive. All this was pulled from under their feet.

The loss of home and belongings is nothing in comparison to the loss of a support system. This disaster cannot be compared to other storms or hurricanes, or even other parts of the Gulf Coast that were affected by Katrina and Rita, in that many of these people cannot return to their homes to re-establish their life. In Mr. Thornton's case, his rental home in New Orleans is now being rented for several times what he paid. His family and friends are scattered across the country, and his job is gone.

Finding a new job was not feasible for Mr. Thornton. At the age of 70 and disabled, the laws work directly against him. We have searched to find any angle that would allow him to have an income, but to no avail. This is not his fault. There are loopholes for those who want to find them, and there are cracks in the system that is meant to be a safety net. Mr. Thrornton falls into those cracks.

3) Prejudice is alive and well. We see the looks, hear the comments and feel the attitudes. It comes from individuals, agencies, government, and prospective employers. At times I wonder how people like Mr. Thornton hold their heads up high and make a good life for themselves, in spite of the constant thumping over the head in an effort to push them back down. I have huge respect for him and so many others we have met.

4) Post Traumatic Stress is not something you just "get over". While we see the effects on his mind and health, we cannot comprehend the depth of the trauma. Sleep is difficult when every time he closes his eyes, the events play over and over like a horrifying movie. Lack of sleep leads to a host of other problems, on top of frustrations of starting a new life with nothing.

5) There were some who took advantage of the system. This is NOT true of every one! What is true is this: There are those who know how to rip off the system and will do it again and again - they are in every corner of this country and come with various skin colors.

These are just a few things to think about. There are also the politics of New Orleans, the lack of good schools, the lowest wages in the nation, the destruction of the wetlands and the neglected levies which allowed New Orleans to flood. It is hard to comprehend what this opression must feel like. Looking down our nose at other people is not going to lift them up, it is only going to push them down further.

I feel sorry for people who are quick to criticize as they show no willingness to learn to understand people who come from a different place, culture and way of life. To close our eyes, ears and heart is choosing to remain ignorant of what happens around us every day.

If we say we are Christians, or even comassionate, we will make an effort to understand those around us. Red or blue does not matter, what matters is what is in our heart.

Any comments?

Stephanie

We are Godparents!

February 10, 2008 will be a new anniversary for us!

We accepted the position of Guardianship of "our kids" in a ceremony at Temple Missionary Baptist Church.

It was an awesome experience in many ways. Many of our friends joined us in person and in spirit as we vowed to accept this responsbility. Thank you to everyone for your support!

A former pastor had made an unexpected visit, and his message seemed heaven sent. The sermon centered on opening our hearts and minds to what is possible, and that God will give us what we need.

As we considered accepting this assignment, we knew one thing: God has worked very hard to bring these kids into our lives, and keep them here. If He has worked this hard, He must have a very special plan for them, and we must do our part in fulfilling that plan.

We hope that their Father will live a long and healthy life, but we also have to face the reality of his age and the detrimental effects that the trauma has had on his health. Seeing first hand the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress is an eye-opening experience.

We thank everyone for their prayers and best wishes. We could not do this without each and every one of you!

Stephanie

Can You Help These Kids?

What are your New Year's resolutions? Have you given thought to your charitable contributions?

I would like to ask you to consider a very deserving family. Please browse through my website by clicking Here and consider the way that you can help by clicking Here.

Here is a brief overview:

Following Hurricane Katrina we met a family at a shelter where we volunteered. We made friends. We spent hours playing with the kids, and fell in love with them. A month later we got them setteled in their new home. A few weeks later, the mom left with the kids, running back to her parents. We thought we would never see them again. But they came back.

A few months later she took the kids and went back to New Orleans. Once again, we thought we would never see them again. A few weeks later the kids were back with their step-father, although the mom chose to stay in New Orleans, choosing to live on the streets with her friends and her beer.

The Step-father is 70 years old, and while he is not the biological dad, he loves these children dearly. He is willing to give them a good home and teach them how to live above poverty.

We will do anything in our power to keep this family together. The dad's income is Social Security and Disability. The Disability denies him having any type of job, even one that he could do. But of course, the Disability pay is not enough for even one person to live on.

A recent illness reminded us that the Dad may not be able to raise these kids indefinitely. The kids spend every weekend with us and more, and they look to us as "co-parents" with their Father. We wish we were rich, but we are not. Adding on a room so that the kids don't have to sleep on the floor and have a feeling of stability has become our priority.

We are so thankful for all those who have donated cash, clothing and household items. Due to their generosity, we have been able to keep this family in a home with their basic needs met. But we know that the cost of raising 4 kids will only increase, while Dad's income will not.

So often we have asked ourselves these questions: Why did we happen to volunteer at this shelter? Why did this family happen to be there? Why did we form a friendship with them that resulted in our "Sponsorship" of this family? Why did the Mom send the kids back?

All we can think is that God has big plans for these kids! He has worked very hard to bring them back to their Step-Father and to us. It seems to me that we must continue this mission, no matter how hard it may be at times. These kids deserve the chance to live a life free of fear and with dreams for the future.

We have the opportunity to save these children from a life of alcohol, drugs and abuse that comes with living on the streets. What could be more important?

Can you help us in our journey? You can be assured that every dollar is used wisely to provide for the basic needs of the family. Our goal is to keep them in a home, provide heat and a/c, and make sure that they have what they need to live. Funds are used to provide the basics and fill in the items that are not donated.

Here is the link to the donation page on my website - Click Here!

Here are some things to think about:

Billions of dollars were donated to large agencies following Hurricane Katrina. These funds were meant to go to the people affected. It did not get to them.

Rebuilding in New Orleans is being done in a large part by very dedicated volunteers. There are many who cannot return to their homes. They are scattered across the country and left to fend for themselves. Their only choice was to turn to the communities that took them in, but the people of the communities had already sent their donations to the large agencies.

Not only were homes lost, families were torn apart. Family dynamics change, leaving parents disoriented and children bewildered. Learning to recognize the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome has been an eye-opening experience for us. It can knock a person down until they can't function. A 5 year old boy draws a picture for his therapist of a house built on stilts so that the water can't come in. A 10 year old girl cannot enjoy being a little girl because she has to take care of everyone, making sure they are ok. Time does not heal everything!

Please give the kids a chance!

Stephanie

The Prayers of a Child

To understand how amazing Marquel's prayers are, I must first tell you of her background.

Born in New Orleans, she was the 5th child of an alcoholic mother. An older brother had already died of neglect not long before she was born. Another sister and brother would be added by the time Marquel was 5 years old.

Her mother could not hold a job, had no real desire to have one, and would do anything for her beer. The one room apartment had a bed with a filthy mattress, but no sheets. There were no clothes to wear. While mom was naked with some man, the kids were naked as well.

Hard to envision, isn't it? What horrors little Marquel must have witnessed and been subjected to.

At the age of 5, along with her sisters and new baby brother, she went to live with her mom's new boyfriend, Roosevelt. Having a bed and clothes to wear must have seemed like heaven.

After their evacuation to San Antonio, mom could not begin a new life, so she ran off to New Orleans. Marquel now lives here with Roosevelt, her younger sister and 2 brothers.

At the age of 10, Marquel amazes us with her desire to live a "normal" middle class life. She saves her money diligently so that she can go to college one day. She soaks in all the friends and people in our life that she can look up to and admire.

Her tightly held shell is slowly cracking and she lets us into her thoughts a little more all the time. She is beginning to trust us enough to ask us for help with her inner struggles.

Every night she prays. Her prayers touch us deeply.

Lord, please send your angels to watch over us
Please send your angels to watch over my Father
Please keep him safe and well
I love you, Lord
Lord, please send your angels to be with ...(and she goes on to list everyone who has been an "Angel" to her)
Lord, please send your angels to be with everyone I know, and everyone I will know
I love you, Lord
Lord, please keep us safe

Her only request for herself is for the angels to be sent to watch over her.

A few weeks ago her father became very ill while Marquel was at our house. Not knowing what else to do to calm the kids fears, I asked them if they wanted to say a prayer for their Father. We did, and I put the kids to bed with a movie to watch, hoping that they would be able to go to sleep.

After a few minutes I noticed that Marquel had her hands folded tight. Soon she was up on her knees, hands folded and face turned upwards.

Where does this child get her faith? What great things does God have in His plans for her?

The kids spend most weekends with us. We go to church. We spend time with friends. We pray before meals and we ask the kids if they want to pray at bedtime. If they don't it is ok. We don't force "religion," we just let them soak up what is around them.

Please keep Marquel in your prayers, as she is including you in hers!

Stephanie