Walking on Clouds!

We are all walking on clouds today - Marquel passed her TAKS (achievement) tests!

I stopped at the school to drop off some paperwork and Marquel's teacher stuck her head in the door. "Did you talk to Marquel? She has some really good news." Miss Young was beaming.

I had seen Marquel going into the lunch room, so I found her and told her I heard she had some good news. Marquel is a little timid with us around her friends, as if she is not quite sure what they will think of us. She sat hunched down in her seat as if trying not to be seen.

"I am so proud of you!" I told her. At this she straightened up and her classmates all told me that they had also passed their tests. This brought a broad smile to Marquel's face, as if realizing that it was really OK for me to be there, that her classmates were not going to be judgemental.

A huge thank you to Miss Young, and to Teresa and Margaret for their help in tutoring, and for all those who kept Marquel in their thoughts and prayers.

With Charlie being the smartest in his Kindergarten class and Annie who gets 100's on her report card, this is a big confidence booster for Marquel, and a badly needed one.

Thank you all!
Stephanie

Marquel turns 11!

May 19th is Marquel's 11th birthday. As with Annie, we are reminded of the little girl that we met at the shelter 2 1/2 years ago. She was such a cutie, loving to tell stories in language that we could not understand, but she made everyone laugh with her because of her enthusiasm. She did not exhibit the symptoms of trauma that Charlie and Annie did, but of course we know it affected her as well.

Following the horrors of Katrina and the evacuation, the trauma inflicted by her mother over the following 10 months did further damage. Returning to San Antonio and learning to live a "new" life proved traumatic as well.

After so many experiences of being abandoned, left to fend for herself and mistreated by her mother, Marquel has had a hard time accepting the fact that her Father and Randy and I will not leave her. "Love" from her mother meant a show of favoritism, so it is easy for her to say "you don't love me" when one of her siblings is getting attention. Time will teach her that true love is constant, not shown by giving treats or special treatment.

Marquel has thrived under the care and nutritional food of Mr. Thornton. She is now a healthy, tall and beautiful girl. With the help of outstanding counselors, she is smiling more and learning self esteem and respect. She spends more and more of her time just being a little girl, and not trying to be the "mom" of the house, which of course is not her job. We want to thank all of you for your prayers for Marquel, we do see the results.

As we started construction on a room addition to our house for the kids, we could see that Marquel has an aptitude for thinking through and seeing the finished project. She knows what she likes, and enjoys drawing very pretty pictures and cards. Maybe we can see an architect in the future, who knows!

Marquel has worked hard on her school work this year, and we are holding our breath for the results of her achievements tests. We pray that she at least passed.

A huge thank you to all who have shown Marquel so much love and affection. She loves you all and prays for you every night "for everyone at church, and for those I know and those I have yet to know, please send your Angels...".

Annie's 9th Birthday

This coming Sunday, May 4th will be Annie's 9th Birthday. We think back to the first few days we knew her at the shelter. Once the initial trauma wore off, she transformed from the little girl who would throw herself into our arms to a little six year old with a big smile and contagious laugh.

It is hard to believe that two years have passed since her 7th birthday, the birthday that her mom spent drunk on the driveway with her friends, and the day before mom and the kids left for New Orleans.



The picture at the right was taken at the bus station the day they left, May 5, 2006. How little they are!


Many times we have wondered what happened to the kids while they were in New Orleans, the boys for 2 weeks and the girls for a month.

Shortly after the girls returned to San Antonio, Annie began wetting the bed, she was always the last one to go to sleep, and as time went on, she would cry inconsolably at bedtime.

After much prodding, she admitted that everything was scary at night. The curtain swags "smiled" at her, the TV in the living room cast moving shadows, the cars driving down the street made shadows on the wall, the voices of the neighbors scared her, she saw faces in her room, and she diligently made sure that all blinds were closed tightly and the doors were all locked.

No amount of talking, reassuring or coaxing would convince her that she was safe. The tears still streamed down her face. She tried sleeping in her own bed on the top bunk, but soon moved down to sleep with Marquel. This did not help calm her fears.

In desperation we asked her therapist to help us out. She referred us to a Psychiatrist, who prescribed medications to help her with the anxiety. He explained that when the brain is so thoroughly traumatized, it interprets everything as being evil or scary. After several months on medication, Annie has improved greatly. While she still checks the blinds and doors, she can sleep in her own bed without crying herself to sleep.

At times Annie will get a distant stare in her eyes. If I don't hear her voice in the house, I look out the window to see her on the swing set. This seems to be her escape to quiet time by herself. Sometimes she just swings and swings, and sometimes she sings to herself as she swings. I wonder what is going through her mind.

Annie is an amazingly smart little girl. She has ability to think deeply, thinking through problems and reasoning out solutions. She is quite determined that she is going to be a doctor when she grows up, and with her straight A's, she certainly could be anything she wants to be.

Most of the time she has a big smile on her face. She has a way of "flying under the radar" when the others get in trouble for various rule infractions. She loves to sing and has built in rythm. She is our little drama queen, her enthusiasm makes us smile. She has a special sparkle in her eyes and the most contagious laugh.

In addition to the flood, the horrible sights and sounds, the evacuation and the shelters, and a mom who went off the deep end, we have no idea what further traumas Annie witnessed or was subjected to, and we may never know. When we picked up the girls in New Orleans, she and Marquel came running out as fast as their little legs would carry them. Annie threw herself into my arms and held on for dear life.

While she does not want to go live with her mom, she misses her. Or I should say, she wants her mom to be loving, caring and nurturing. While no one can ever replace her mom, I see her face light up when she sees Janet, Mary Ann, Mardi, Teresa or Mary and many other friends who show the girls special attention. Through their love as "surrogate mom's" the girls can learn how a "real mom" shows love and affection.

Randy and I cannot thank you enough for your part in nurturing "our kids".





Picture of Annie was taken
April 6, 2008 in the Peace Garden at
St. John Lutheran Church.

Superglued Forever!

"You are now superglued. No refunds, no returns". This was the judges verdict!

What a relief to Roosevelt to have full legal custody of the kids. A huge thanks to Atty. Judith Wemmert for her perfect execution, and the judge, Hon. Martha Tanner, who made the proceeding relaxed with her great sense of humor. Charlie made instant friends with the Baliff, (he wishes to remain anonymous so that no one knows he has a softer side!)

To Pastor Schulte, thank you so much for taking time from your busy schedule to attend the hearing and for your meaningful remarks showing the dedication and support that St. John Lutheran Church has made to Roosevelt and the kids.

Thank you to all who came to show their support. As we all gathered around the judges bench, it was so comforting to know that we have so much love, compassion and dedication behind us.

We want each and every one of you to know how much we appreciate every thing you do, every kind word and gesture, all the prayers and good wishes.

A special thanks to Sharon Tschirhart for always having her camera handy. Click here to watch the video (scroll down on page).

Poverty and Education

Please pray for Marquel as she begins taking her TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) achievement tests. Her 4th grade tests will cover Reading, Language/Grammer and Math. Passing these tests is a requirement for proceeding to the next grade level.

Marquel has had a tough time in school. Randy and I were completely unaware of "Generational Poverty" and how the rules of poverty apply to children and education. What an education we have had! Let me explain:

When Marquel came to San Antonio following Hurricane Katrina, she had just started 3rd grade. The shelter quickly threw together a school for the kids, but after a week they moved to Camp Promise (where we met them), and school was interuppted again as arrangements were made for registration and transportation to the closest school district. After a month at this school, the family moved into their new home in San Antonio, and another school transfer was made. By this time, over 2 months of precious and important school time had elapsed.

With the family settled in their new home, Randy and I backed away for the most part, allowing the family to regroup and begin a new life. The girls were enrolled in school, Marquel in 3rd grade and Annie in 1st grade.

One day we stopped by their house and the kids were not in school. Asking them why, one of them said, "Mom has a headache." Looking over at Mom, she nodded her head in acknowledgement and I realized "headache" really meant "hangover".

School became more and more sporadic, and we began to realize that mom's lifestyle was paramount, and education for her children was far down on her priority list. When Randy and I learned about "Generational Poverty" we realized that there were really 2 reasons for Mom's way of thinking: 1) What Mom wants (more beer) and needs (plenty of party time) is the most important thing on her agenda for any given day; and 2) Education for her children is not important for 2 reasons: a) she cannot perceive her children to be smarter than she is, as that is a threat to her Matriarchal position, and b) there is no thought about the future or belief that an education can ultimately be a bridge out of poverty (there is no comprehension of any other way of life, so there is no point in to education. After all, Mom can function quite well in her world).

May 5, 2006, Mom took the kids back to New Orleans with her. There was no thought of checking them out of school, because there was no thought of enrolling them in school in New Orleans. A month later, when Mom allowed us to come get the girls one of Marquel's first questions as she climbed into our car was, "Am I going to go to school tomorrow?" The look of excited anticipation quickly turned to disappointment as I explained that school was over for the year.

August, 2006 - When we went to enroll the girls in school we learned that Marquel had not passed her 3rd grade TAKS tests and too many days of school had been missed the prior year. Marquel and Annie were both required to repeat 3rd grade and 1st grade, respectively.

This was a hard pill for Marquel to swallow, and it took Annie most of the school year to figure out that she wasn't in 2nd grade. As the school year progressed it became clear that Annie was doing exceptionally well, loving school and learning quickly. Marquel was having a harder time, and I spent as many hours on weekends as I could helping her study and review for her tests.

One day I said something to her about 1st and 2nd grade in New Orleans (before Katrina). "I didn't go to school in New Orleans," she said. When Charlie was elaborating about something fun he had done in Kindergarten class, Annie said wistfully, "I wish I could have gone to Kindergarten." We questioned the girls several times, but they had no memory of school in New Orleans.

Why this is, we are not sure. Did the trauma of the hurricane create memory lapses, or was it that school was not important to Mom, and therefore not important, and not even memorable to the girls? Was their life so focused on survival that school was secondary? Or was school more like a babysitting service than a focus on education?

Marquel passed her 3rd grade tests, much to our relief! She continues to work very hard, and we have made a more concentrated effort to study with her on a regular basis. Without the basics of 1st and 2nd grade, it makes 4th grade work much harder.

We are so very thankful for the Angels who have offered to tutor Marquel. Her session with Miss Margaret every Sunday is her own special time (the high school English teacher who lives across the road from us). Our friend, Teresa, comes on weekends and spends time helping her as well. The girls adores Miss Teresa, because she does all the "girly" things with them - like pretty smelling lotions and fingernail polish.

There are many more Angels: Randy's sister, Deb, who is a teacher and her friend Cec (too bad they live in Nebraska!), and everyone who gives the kids attention and encouragement. I don't think people really understand the profound effect that a few words can have to kids who look up to and adore them.

Several weeks ago we asked that you remember Marquel in your prayers as we worked with her therapist. I know the prayers were answered, as some of you have commented on how much she has blossomed in the last few weeks. She opens up to us a little more all the time, allowing us to help her work through her feelings and thoughts.

Please keep Marquel in your prayers as she takes her tests over the next few weeks. Ask that she will be able to remember what she has worked so hard to learn. We know that God has special plans for sweet, tender-hearted Marquel!

As always - thank you!

Stephanie
Learn more about Generational Poverty at http://www.ahaprocess.com/ I highly recommend "A Framework of Understanding Poverty" available in the book section. Click here for a preview used by permission.

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On Politics, Poverty and Hurricane Katrina Survivors

Today my Google Alert directed me to an article in the Washington Post titled For Katrina Evacuees, A Chance to Be Heard (click on underlined to read the article).

I was interested in reading both the article, and in particular, the comments left by readers. Articles such as this tend to bring out a lot of passion in the readers.

I feel so fortunate to have met Mr. Thornton, his friends and family. By knowing him, I am able to understand the after-effects of Hurricane Katrina much more clearly.

After reading some of the above referenced comments, I have a few comments of my own:

1) Meeting so many of the Hurricane Katrina evacuees, through Mr. Thornton and while sitting at various agencies, I have come to understand that the vast majority of them want a hand-up not a hand-out. All they desire is a way to start over and survive in a new and often hostile environment.

2) For those of us who live in a very mobile society, it may be hard to comprehend the community that was New Orleans. Families lived there for generations. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and children all lived within a relatively short distance. This support system is incredibly powerful, comforting and supportive. All this was pulled from under their feet.

The loss of home and belongings is nothing in comparison to the loss of a support system. This disaster cannot be compared to other storms or hurricanes, or even other parts of the Gulf Coast that were affected by Katrina and Rita, in that many of these people cannot return to their homes to re-establish their life. In Mr. Thornton's case, his rental home in New Orleans is now being rented for several times what he paid. His family and friends are scattered across the country, and his job is gone.

Finding a new job was not feasible for Mr. Thornton. At the age of 70 and disabled, the laws work directly against him. We have searched to find any angle that would allow him to have an income, but to no avail. This is not his fault. There are loopholes for those who want to find them, and there are cracks in the system that is meant to be a safety net. Mr. Thrornton falls into those cracks.

3) Prejudice is alive and well. We see the looks, hear the comments and feel the attitudes. It comes from individuals, agencies, government, and prospective employers. At times I wonder how people like Mr. Thornton hold their heads up high and make a good life for themselves, in spite of the constant thumping over the head in an effort to push them back down. I have huge respect for him and so many others we have met.

4) Post Traumatic Stress is not something you just "get over". While we see the effects on his mind and health, we cannot comprehend the depth of the trauma. Sleep is difficult when every time he closes his eyes, the events play over and over like a horrifying movie. Lack of sleep leads to a host of other problems, on top of frustrations of starting a new life with nothing.

5) There were some who took advantage of the system. This is NOT true of every one! What is true is this: There are those who know how to rip off the system and will do it again and again - they are in every corner of this country and come with various skin colors.

These are just a few things to think about. There are also the politics of New Orleans, the lack of good schools, the lowest wages in the nation, the destruction of the wetlands and the neglected levies which allowed New Orleans to flood. It is hard to comprehend what this opression must feel like. Looking down our nose at other people is not going to lift them up, it is only going to push them down further.

I feel sorry for people who are quick to criticize as they show no willingness to learn to understand people who come from a different place, culture and way of life. To close our eyes, ears and heart is choosing to remain ignorant of what happens around us every day.

If we say we are Christians, or even comassionate, we will make an effort to understand those around us. Red or blue does not matter, what matters is what is in our heart.

Any comments?

Stephanie

We are Godparents!

February 10, 2008 will be a new anniversary for us!

We accepted the position of Guardianship of "our kids" in a ceremony at Temple Missionary Baptist Church.

It was an awesome experience in many ways. Many of our friends joined us in person and in spirit as we vowed to accept this responsbility. Thank you to everyone for your support!

A former pastor had made an unexpected visit, and his message seemed heaven sent. The sermon centered on opening our hearts and minds to what is possible, and that God will give us what we need.

As we considered accepting this assignment, we knew one thing: God has worked very hard to bring these kids into our lives, and keep them here. If He has worked this hard, He must have a very special plan for them, and we must do our part in fulfilling that plan.

We hope that their Father will live a long and healthy life, but we also have to face the reality of his age and the detrimental effects that the trauma has had on his health. Seeing first hand the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress is an eye-opening experience.

We thank everyone for their prayers and best wishes. We could not do this without each and every one of you!

Stephanie